Dear Zak,

I'm sitting here watching your show as I type this. "Ghost Adventures" is one of my favorite tv shows because I'm a history nerd and I'm super into the paranormal. My roommate and I watch it all the time, particularly when we want to have a glass of wine and laugh at your dramatic hosting abilities. That being said, I have some questions/comments that I would like to ask on behalf of myself, my roommate, and I'm sure everyone else who watches your show. So, without further ado,

1. Why do you feel the need to over-enunciate everything?

I understand that you are doing something really scary, and you want to up the intensity, but there is NO NEED to dictate every syllable of a word. There's also no need to. pause. after. every. word. to. make. it. super. dramatic.

2. Please, because I'm sure we are ALL wondering- what encounter did you have that inspired you to make this show?

In the intro of every episode, in your over-the-top dramatic voice, you claim, "I never believed in ghosts until I came face to face with one." Who is this ghost? Where were you? How old? Did this experience immediately send you into a spiral of televised paranormal investigating, or did you think on it first? You taunt us with that at the beginning of every episode, and then you leave us hanging. PLEASE tell us about this ghost!

3. This last one is the most important, and it's a bit more of a statement than a question: Stop. Sending. Aaron. Into. Scary. Places. Alone. To. Fight. Your. Battles.

Seriously! It is a given with every episode that you will send poor Aaron into the attic, or the basement, or the room where the super dark entity is. You always make him go alone, and with no equipment, to confront and interrogate this ghost. You talk all this beef about how tough and intense you are, but you leave Aaron to do your bidding? Don't get me wrong, it's hilarious, and we always laugh when you chicken out and make Aaron do the hard stuff, but man up and face the serious monsters for once! Or, just hand over the show to Aaron. He'd do a great job. But then the show would probably become more serious, and then what would we have to chuckle at?

In short, keep it up, Zak. Without you for the comedic relief of the show, "Ghost Adventures" would probably be too damn scary.