As another birthday of mine passes and I become another year older, I have taken the time to think and reflect on the past 21 years of my life. Over the past few years, I have grown tremendously as a person and have realized that much of what I thought to be important when I was a child or teenager is not nearly as important anymore. I think about all the struggles I have gone through and the important lessons I have gained from them. There are many things I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, I would give them advice about what to do when a boy breaks their heart, I would talk to them about school and the lessons you may not necessarily get in the classroom, and I would let them know that as tiring as the phrases are, they could not be truer, it does get better and life does go on. So here is the advice I have for my younger self:
Understand that people will come and go from your life. You will lose people who you thought would never leave your life. They may be the closest person to you, but there is a reason that they will not stay. Whether due to distance or just a simple falling out, you must lose some people you care about dearly in your life. But this just leads to new friendships and those are the friendships you must cherish. Do not spend too much time worrying about those you lost, but focus more on what you have to gain. As the saying goes, when one door closes another one will open. Believe that with all of your heart, you are losing this person for a reason. You may lose many friendships after you graduate from high school, but it is those you meet in college that will be the friendships you possess for the rest of your life. Open yourself to them when they come into your life because they will show you how beautiful life can be in its simplest forms and they will teach you lessons about yourself that you never noticed before. The friends that stay are the ones you need to love and cherish with all of your heart. They are the ones who will stay up late with you while you cry at 2 a.m. over the boy who broke your heart, they will be the one to go on random adventures with, and they will be the ones who ask you how you are and actually want to know the true answer.
Boys will break your heart, and at times you will feel like you are unable to go on. Remember that it is their loss and you will find someone else who treats you exactly like you deserve to be treated. Find someone who is kind to you and shows you more love than you ever thought was possible. Do not let them treat you like a second thought, if they do not value you, then why should you value them and the relationship that you share? Do not lose yourself once a boy comes into the picture, remember who you are and what you believe in and never change yourself just because a boy says to. Always remind yourself of who you are because that will be what guides you when something feels off and you must let yourself be guided by those instincts. Never let a boy make you do things or act a way that you are not comfortable with. You never owe them anything and if they make you feel like you do then you need to get out of that relationship.
Never lose your passion. Those around you may tell you that your dreams are crazy but just use their negativity as a motivation to go after what you love. Don't go to school just for a degree, go for something that you care about. The only way you will enjoy life is by doing what you love and going forth with what you have a passion for. Your best work will come from passion and therefore if you strive towards these goals, you will find true happiness. Don't just work to make money, work to find something you love to do because then you will never actually work a day in your life. Don't let anyone tell you that your dreams are too big. Make amazing dreams for yourself and then go after them time and time again. Do not live your life with any regrets whatsoever. When you are on your deathbed you will be more upset with all the what ifs than the oh wells.
High school will be some of the most difficult four years of your life, and you can never let a mistake when you were 16 define who you are and what you do with your life. We all make mistakes, especially as a teenager. You are shaped more by the accomplishments made in college, than one bad test grade your freshman year of high school. There are many things though that are not taught to you when you are in school. You are not taught how to apply for scholarships for college, how to pay back loans, how to get a credit card, or how to purchase your first house or car. They do not teach you how to balance a checkbook or things you will need to know during your first real job interview. These basic skills are things you will have to do on your own, and I know that they are scary but you will learn to do them and even if you mess up the first time it will be okay. These life skills are meant to be trial and error but after you learn them you will never forget them. They will become some of the most important things you learn to do so if someone offers to help you, take the help.
Remember that we all experience pain at some point but it is necessary that we remember that all pain ends eventually and that we learn to move on from it. Our pain and our struggles not only teach us how to handle these kinds of situations, but they teach us about ourselves. They show us that we are stronger than we thought we were and that we must sometimes focus on ourselves and do what is best for us. People will reach out to you in times that they struggle, be the kindest you can be with them and use all of the empathy your body possesses. When you are going through hardships, do not put up your walls. Let people in to be there for you and to help you through whatever you make be struggling with. It may be hard to trust their intentions, but at some point, you have to just trust.
The things we must value in our life are the relationships that we create and the memories that we make during these relationships. Life is not about how much we can acquire physically, it is not about the amount of things we have, those things do not matter. What must remain important to us is those we have in our lives, make sure to remember this as you go on with your life. Always tell those who you care about that you love them because our days are forever numbered and you never know when your last day will be. Live life. Do not worry about regrets and always live life to the fullest.
