"I don't love you anymore." I still have those words engrained in my memory. I questioned for weeks how someone I loved so much could just stop loving me. It made me want to make him love me again, but I realized... I couldn't. It was such an irony because even though I couldn't make him love me, he continued to make me love him. I remember fighting for him constantly, although he never even showed up to the battle. It became so disheartening that I never was even excited to see him anymore. I didn't feel the butterflies like I used to. I didn't feel beautiful anymore when he touched me. When I looked into his eyes, I felt drained. I knew I needed to get away, so I did. This was the first act of self-love I ever completed.

I don't want you to think that I hate all guys, or feel like I could never love again because I could. I knew I could love someone else better. I could love me better. So, I did. I fell in love with everything he hated. I fell in love with my insecurities, my quirks, my flaws, everything. I began to love myself so fiercely that I could see her again. I could see me again.

I'll never love you like I loved him. I won't let you consume me, but I'll make sure we intertwine. I won't let your absence cause me pain, but feel joy for your return back to me. I won't let your friendliness to others get confused as flirting, and I'll share that same outgoing personality with you. I will let you have me, but I'll keep a part of me just for myself. I will love you unconditionally, but I hope that you love yourself first.

This is not to say that our love won't be extraordinary because it will be. It will be beautiful, loving, and full of happiness. I don't think that there will never be problems, but this time around, I will deal with them with grace and come into every argument with an open heart and an open mind. I feel we will grow more together, but also grow in each other's absence. We will relish in each other's accomplishments and failures. You will be my best friend, but you won't be my only confidant. You will know me inside and out, like I will you, but there will be parts of me that you'll always want to explore further. When I feel ready, I will let you see all of me, love all of me, but I have to continue to love me, too.

I hope you don't think I am discounting what our love will be. I hope you never think that I still yearn for him because some days I will talk about him and then you won't hear about him again for weeks. I don't ever want you to see that as a comparison, but more so, me just letting you know more about who I was before. I hope you never feel like you can't be honest with me in fear I will leave because I want your honesty and your critiques. I want it all, the good and the bad. I never wanted a perfect relationship. I wanted growth and love and effort. I cannot wait to give that to someone.

Everyone told me I was going to find someone so much better than him, and guess what? I did. It's me. I am better. I am the person I needed to fall in love with to become the warrior I wanted to be. I can't wait for you to love her too.