To the girl I was before,
This for the girl who was so obsessed with the idea of being perfect that she drove herself insane. This is to the girl who was too blind to understand toxic people that she pushed all the good ones away. This is to the girl who was so scared to get hurt that she closed herself off to everyone. To the girl who spent a lot of days just trying to get by. Truthfully, there was times were I thought I was never going to grow out of it, but now I am-here are a few things I wanted you to know.
First, I am really sorry. I am sorry that I was naive and broken that I truly did not embrace this life enough. I am sorry that I didn't realize that the pain, anger and stress I felt wasn't normal. I am sorry I broke you so much by being hurt by the same boy over and over again because I was obsessed with the idea of being in love. I am sorry I relayed on others for my happiness. I am sorry I ruined relationships with people who cared about me because I was trying so hard to be someone I wasn't. I am so sorry that it took so many bad days to become the person I am.
There is a few things I wish I could have told you then. Most importantly, know that one day you'll wake up and the sky will be more blue and food will taste better. You can not really describe why, but you will just feel more content. You will be grateful that you stuck around long enough to feel the happiness you feel now. Gods plan truly is a real, and amazing thing. God knows what He is doing. Just let life happen and never stop praying and hoping for something better. That 'better' will come, I promise.
Second, be true to yourself. You may not know who you are yet, and that is totally okay. It is okay to feel like you have no idea where you're heading, but just keep heading in the right direction and you will figure out your path. A path that you sometimes fall off of, and lose site of, but at the end of the day nothing will come between you and your dreams.
Also, please remember that everything happens for a reason. I know that is a cliche but hear me out. The scariest and worst year of your life will make you realize you want to be a teacher. Losing your best friend will lead you to amazing new best friends. The college that you were scared to attend leads you to your dream school, a beautiful city and some great memories. A mission trip you were "forced" to go on made you a Christian. A job you hated at first is where you meet some of your favorite people. Living with an anxiety disorder made you a kinder person. Parting with a sport that you adored forced you to realize you had a lot of other beautiful talents besides dance and you are not defined by how many trophies you have or how many turns you can do. Your hardest days are a part of something so much more.
Without even realizing it sometimes you learn your best lessons along the way. Everything will work out in the end, and even if it tough you will learn a lot about yourself and the world around you. Stop freaking out because your plans don't work out. Like they say, you make plans and God laughs. Just take a breath-you're going to be okay. You will get into college, you will find passions, you will have friends in college, you will get over your high school boyfriend, you will find people who listen to you and understand you, you will not get fat in college and you'll become who you want to be.
Lastly, just believe in yourself a little more. Stop relying so much on other people approval and learn to love yourself first. Soon you will realize that you are beautiful in your own way, passionate, caring and have a whole lot to offer this world. Stick it out. Life will be better I promise.
Love,
the new you
P.S : leave the hair alone, when you're older you will regret it when you have to spend a lot of time and money fixing your damaged hair.
