What is done is done. We can't change the past. We can only move on to the future and live in the present. I know what you did you thought was right and I can't blame you for that. I can, however, say that it wasn't the answer you should have chosen because it was a permanent answer to a temporary problem. I just feel terrible that you got to the point in your life where you thought that was your only option - that's the sad part.
While others might be mad at you for making a choice that they felt wasn't yours to choose. Just know that I'm not mad. I understand. It's normal for others to ask "why did he/she do this?" and when it comes down to it we don't and we won't ever truly know your reason and or reasons. Your loved one or significant other might be asking "Why would he/she leave me like this! How could they be so selfish?" While they're confused, I get it. You didn't intentionally mean to harm anyone by your actions, you just felt that was the right decision. Matter of fact you probably thought you would be helping them by removing yourself from their lives.
While not many people can understand what goes on in someone's head during this time, I can because I been there. A common question is "Why didn't they get help?" When someone is in the state of mind to the point where they want to kill themselves, it's not easy to admit. If anything, they would rather suffer alone because they have been suffering for so long already. Which is why he/she turned to suicide. That seemed to be the only logical answer to the pain you felt day in and day out. That's not your fault and I can't blame you.
As I write this, I just wished that you realized you were loved and you meant something. That only if you held out a little longer, things would have gotten better. Time heals and you just needed a little more of it. While we can dwell on what decision you chose and how it was right or wrong, all I hope is that you finally found the peace you were looking for that you couldn't find in this world.
Rest easy, the fight is over.
Sincerely,
A person who struggled with suicide and survived.
P.S. It did get better.
If you or a loved one is having suicidal thoughts. Please do not hesitate to call the suicide hotline. It could save you or a loved one from making a permanent decision to a temporary problem.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
