First of all, yes, I get it. I understand the hard-ass tactic as a means to protect your heart. We've all been there. Guard before you get hurt. Let him know exactly what he's getting into so if it all ends up in flames, you "win." OK, but stop and evaluate: do you really win here?
Nobody wants to be taken for granted or made out to be a fool for being vulnerable and loyal to someone who ends up making us regret it in the end. But that is, unfortunately, the price of love. If you are willing to agree to try to give your heart away, REALLY give your heart away, you are dealing with the gamble of winning the jackpot or losing all that you've invested. Tell me, how will your relationship ever thrive if it's created from walking on eggshells and constant aversions to avoid conflict or conceal lies?
Instilling fear into someone in order to keep them in line is a punishment tactic that has no place if you seek a healthy relationship. He is not your child. He is your life partner. He is your equal. He shouldn't need surveillance. No amount of stalking or excessive calling is going to make him be faithful. No amount of petty fights is going to make him want to give you the attention that you deserve and desire. If he's a good guy, the right guy, he will give you exactly what you give him. If he isn't offering you these things willingly and happily, you don't want them.
You don't want HIM.
Here's a tip: if that's truly what you feel that you have to do to maintain the relationship, you're with the wrong guy. If that's what you have to do to maintain the relationship, for without it you know that it will crumble, kick his ass to the curb.
Conversely, while we're taking a closer look at how our partner is treating us, let's step out of our stubborn mindset and view it from the outside. If he's doing what he can to lessen your fears, how is he ever supposed to prove anything to you if you're constantly on high alert for negativity and reasons for nitpicking and blame? How is it fair for him to have to begin at the bottom and jump through hoops until he reaches the top? There is an inevitable end for proclaiming someone guilty and expecting them to somehow transcend to innocence. If he's doing everything right, maybe it's yourself that you need to reassess.
Whichever scenario your situation falls under, the clear answer is that your crazy tendencies are ineffective regardless of who is the perpetrator here. Yes, I understand your intentions fully. However, I'd like to inform you that your actions are counterproductive. There is absolutely nothing romantic about forced commitment or a facade of a happy relationship shielding a toxic one.
Stop sabotaging things before they have reason to be ruined. Stop pushing away before you have the chance to build something everlasting. I promise you, allowing yourself to be effortlessly happy beats self-proclaiming yourself as crazy any day of the week.
