Or maybe that's what has been hardest to accept about the whole thing. The fact that it was right in front of my face from the beginning and I didn't see it. They always say "love is blind" and well, I am living proof. I have spent so much time trying to figure out how I got here, but it's hard to make sense of a life of lies. Hold tight though, you'll find out soon enough.
At first, I didn't blame you. I really can't say I blame you now, but what I can say is that I hold you accountable. You knew what you were doing and you didn't care. All the bullshit, all the screen shots, all the lies... you knew. Sometimes I find myself wondering what you must tell yourself to be ok with the part you've played in this shit show. Then I remember you are just a puppet. While I hold you accountable for your actions after the fact, I also know who holds your strings. Good luck with that.
As we move forward, I will pray for you. At this point that's about all I can offer you. I spent the worst part of the last 7 years trying to be good enough for a man that only cares about himself. I will tell you that I hope nothing significant happens in your life where you think you can count on your "man." Like losing your father or a child or a job. I hope you don't need any help with the really hard, unexpected things that happen sometimes... or even the small, every day challenges that come with having children. Like sicknesses or sleepless nights. I will pray that you have a support system to lean on, because you sure as hell can't turn to your partner. Don't believe me? Give it time.
Even though you already know this next part, I'm going to reiterate. I'll even spare the details and save you the embarrassment of the facts. Because at the end of the day, you and I both know the truth. Whether you believe whatever excuse he comes up with next or the little voice in your head that tells you he actually cares, we both know why you are next to him now. Hey sweetie: if you can lay your head down peacefully at night and be happy with your relationship (and let's be honest here... yourself,) then you need a lot more than prayers. I suggest you seek professional help for the obvious self-destructive and pathological behavior you have recently shown.
Last but not least... thank you. I'll give you that too. I can't thank you enough for finally opening my eyes to fact that this man never loved me. I don't know what his motives were behind being with me, but it wasn't love. Some of the wisest words I've heard lately, "Don't love someone too deeply until you know the depth of their love for you. Because the depth of your love today, is the depth of your wound tomorrow." I made that mistake and while it hurts, I appreciate you saving me the pain of a deeper wound. It would have only hurt worse if I had wasted more years of my life. What if I had went back again and made the mistake of marrying him? He did ask after all, many times. He tried to make me believe he would change and that you meant nothing to him... but it was too little, too late. And clearly another bunch of lies. Thank you for reminding me that his words are total shit. But so are his actions for that matter. You have to watch for the patterns with this one. Thank you for showing me that I am NOT stupid. Took me a long time to realize I wasn't the crazy one and my instincts are more trustworthy than the guy I so fiercely loved. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky enough to see it coming before it blindsides you quicker than you can say, "he wouldn't do that to ME!" (You know what, you're probably right though. Don't even worry about it.)
This might seem like I'm bitter or even angry with you, but I'm not either of those things. I am simply addressing the truth. But that doesn't mean I have to like you either. While I'm not angry or bitter (ok... maybe a tiny bit angry,) I will never be able to see past the deception that not only comes along with you, but that you have also personally portrayed. So with all of that said, I will go ahead and end it here. Once again, thank you and I wish you the best of luck. You're gonna need it. ♡
