The other day I saw something and managed to find myself thinking about you and I couldn't help but smile and giggle to myself. I found myself reaching for your hug, attempting to hold your hand, and finding nothing but empty air and limited oxygen. Both disappointing and not what I was truly needing at the moment. I found myself frozen in time, recalling every single detail of your face, every inch of your endless love and every movement of your impelling heart; as if one more breath of my own would suddenly mean I forgot every one you had once taken. I panicked, realizing that I hadn't thought of you in a while, I hadn't spent every second of the day remembering you and missing you; and in that moment I felt nothing but guilt.
I closed my eyes and I tried to remember it all. Every second of every moment that we spent together, every smile, every laugh, every single memory. It was then that I could remember how it felt to have you standing besides me, every one of my senses suddenly was on high alert and for a second I forgot that I was only dreaming. I forgot that you were gone, I forgot about the pain, the tears, the loneliness; and in that second I remembered you. I remembered your distinct eye color, your smell, the way you shrugged your shoulders, the sound of your steps, the way you hugged, I remembered it all. And in that moment I realized that I had never really forgot any of it.
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I hadn't forgotten your smell, or the color of your eyes. I hadn't forgot the way you walked or the feeling I used to get when you hugged me tight; I won't ever forget any of those things. I'll never forget the love I felt, the happiness I experienced, the joy that your existence brought me; I'll never truly forget you. I'll never forget the impact you had on my life. You changed my life for the better, you helped shape me into the person I am today and I hope you are proud of who that person is! You may be gone but you will never be forgotten. You will have always changed my world and many others too.
There will come days in which I forget to think of you, days where I will smile and for once it will be for something other than a memory of you. I will laugh at something other than your jokes but that does not mean I love you any less. Your jokes will forever be the funniest I have ever heard, your eyes will forever be my favorite color and your hugs will always be the warmest and tightest of them all. You will forever be my hardest goodbye. You will live inside my heart forever, your smile will shine in my memories and every inch of your love will continue to spread through the lives you managed to impact while you were here.
You will never be forgotten. I miss you bunches and bunches, and I love you even more!
