Dear you,

It’s as if I’m torturing myself for you, but how could I not? This is just so different. This is such a different feeling than I’ve ever felt before. I’ve never connected with someone so quickly. I’ve never fallen this fast. I’ve never had a bond this strong where I keep running back. I’ve never had someone tell me that they love every inch and crevice of my body, where all I see are stretch marks and disgust. I’ve never had any of it. It’s all new to me, and that’s why I just won’t let go.

You rushed into my life and lit it up. You showed me a glimpse of life’s beauty. You made me happy. And I fell for it, I really did. Stupid me. I loved you with everything I had. And with the snap of a finger, you were gone.

It was all perfect in the beginning, everything went smooth and flowed according to plan. It gave you a feeling you haven’t felt before, a sky full of heart and joy. But suddenly, something hit you really hard, and it made you lost and out of transition. The universe dropped you out of its circle of stars and exhausted all of your colors. It was all happy, but everything changed. It’s a dream. Reality woke you up. I’m not for you. She is. Sometimes I want to accept that and move on, but I just can’t walk away.

You knew damn well what you were doing when we got into this mess. So did I. I let myself get too invested in what I knew would end in tragedy. You picked her over me. You saw that with every inhale you took, I was becoming defeated and you rubbed it in my face. You were taunting me with your decision and in the end I didn’t even have to ask you to choose because we both know you already had your mind made up on what you wanted more and it sure as hell wasn’t me.

Once you made your choice, all I could do was stand there. I wanted to scream and cry and beg for you to choose me. I couldn’t. I’d lost you before I even had the chance to have you. Because that’s how life is. One day everything is perfect and you’re happy and the next it all comes falling down around you and all you can do is watch. So I fell, and then the world did.

From the day I met you, I told you that I was not one to back out or give up on something, as long as I could and as long as I cared. You said the same. I guess we’re stuck with each other, then. Because no matter how many times we say that we can’t do this anymore, or how dumb I look, or what choice you made, no matter how many fights we get into, together or not, I still care, so you’re stuck with me somehow.

You’re like a prison and I can’t escape you. And I promised you I wouldn’t.

Sincerely,

The one whom will never break her promise