An open letter to OK me,

Well the introduction is kind of a lie. I am not OK right now. Nor will I ever be, and you know that. What has happened is that my head has risen from the waves and I can see and breathe clearly. There are moments when a wave hits me, but I am no longer submerged by them. While I have this opportunity I wanted to tell you somethings.

I am incredibly proud of you. You have no idea how far you’ve come. You have shown people the broken side of you instead of stubbornly clinging on to the lie. You have peeled the layers slowly and antagonizing painfully but once you got to the core you did not shy away. More importantly you have stopped bull-shitting yourself. You feel what you feel now at the moment: You are true to yourself. You do things because you want to, because you see the value in them, not because of guilt or some dumb-ass atlas complex.

You no longer seek validation from others, not friends, not family, not boys. You like you, pretty sure God will like you too and that is more than enough. You don’t care about the judgement of others, the disagreements, the everything else. You know what you want at the end of the day and are well on your way to figuring out a way to get there.

Speaking of which, you whooped that midlife crisis ass. You know what you want at the end of the day now. You want a family, a big one who loves each other and is happy. You want to live a life in which your existence was important. You want to save lives, make them better, make tomorrow a possibility, and make a HAPPY tomorrow a reality.

My dear, you are nowhere near where you need to be in life, but you are light-years ahead of where you were this time last year, heck even last month. I am so incredibly proud of you for wanting to keep swimming when drowning was so goddamn easy. You didn’t do it by yourself, you had amazing people hold your hand as you fell, but you made the choice to stand again.

I know the waves will rise again and swimming will once again be a foreign concept, but if this storm can be weathered so can any others.

Thank you for making me now a possibility.

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. -Aristotle