Dear love,
I don't even know where to begin. There's too much to say.
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I'll start by saying I miss you every day. I miss your laugh, your smile, and the way you used to look at me. I miss the way you'd call me and say "Hey baby girl," just because you knew how much it'd make me smile. I miss the nights we had together, where nothing else mattered but me and you. I miss being happy with you.
At the time, I didn't realize what I had, and I didn't think there was a way I could ever lose it. I was wrong.
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Do you remember that night I had a little too much, and I stopped you on the way to the car? Tripping over myself and everything else, it didn't matter. I had something to get off my chest. I had been planning on how I was going to tell you, and it wasn't like that. But I knew it was time. I told you I was in love with you.
I don't remember what you said, but I knew you felt the same way. We both knew we were someone special to the other one.
Do you remember the day you gave me the promise ring? Do you remember when I asked you what it meant? You told me it meant that you promised to love me, and put our relationship first, and carry out the plans and promises we made to each other. You told me it meant "forever and always," like that Taylor Swift song, but our story would be much happier. It's still the most beautiful gift I've ever gotten.
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I remember the night I had to take it off. Your blue eyes that I love so much couldn't stop staring at it sitting on your center console. I knew then that everything felt too real. I think that look is what broke me the most.
Things have changed. One mistake, one awful, terrible mistake. That's all it took. I ruined everything, and there's not much of a way to fix it.
And I can continue to cry, and not eat, and lose sleep over it. And to be honest, you and I both know I will. But that doesn't change things. It doesn't change the fact that you're not here. It doesn't change the fact that I don't know when you're coming back, if you ever will. It doesn't change that my heart hurts and I don't want to be just your friend.
I can say "I'm sorry" a million more times, but it doesn't make it much better.
I just hope you know I regret what happened between us. Although our time together was short, I will always cherish it. You always have a place in my heart, and I will continue to pray for you every day (and you know how long it's been since I've prayed).
But while you're gone, there's some things I want you to think about.
I want you to think about all the promises we made. All the plans we had.
I want you to think about the look in both of our eyes when things were ending between us, and how much it broke both of us to pieces.
I want you to think about how I tore up that picture of us in your car, because it was just too much for me to see anymore. It hurt too much.
I want you to think about the love we have for each other. Because I know it's not going away.
I'm so sorry for taking you for granted. I'm sorry for not showing you your worth as much as I should have. You have been and always will be one of the best, strongest, and most loving people I know. A beautiful soul, inside and out.
I could never be ashamed of you. I'm so proud of you. Unbelievably so. I was always proud to say you were mine, and I will always be proud to say that you had my heart, and always will.
We were broken, but not beyond repair.
You asked me if I trust you, and I said I always will. I trust you that things will be okay between us some day soon.
Sincerely,
the girl who's waiting patiently for her "one" to return.
