I bet you didn't realize what you were doing when you first started talking to me. I bet you didn't think I would be so interested in you. I bet you didn't believe me when I said that I thought you were funny, and sweet and caring. I bet you didn't mean to break my heart when you left the first time. I bet you didn't expect for me to accept your apology when you came back like it was all nothing.
I didn't either.
When we first met you were funny and charming and I thought I never had a chance to get someone like you to like someone like me. But somehow we started talking and realized that we were into the same things and it was kind of weird how fast we bonded over those things. You continued to tell me things that I never once believed, like I should've known them already. You made me feel wanted and accpected my flaws and told me you loved them. So I continued to believe you. I told you my fears and you told me your dreams, and we continued like this for months talking on the phone late at night about everything and nothing... and then it all changed.
One day you told me how scared you were to move on and start over because you just got out of bad relationship. I told you that we didn't need anything serious and you said that you didn't want to stop talking to me, and so we didn't. We continued but nothing was the same because of that one day you told me you weren't ready for commitment and I was. I was ready for everything you had to offer and at one point I thought you were ready for me. And it turns out that I was wrong. My clouded judgment led to an immediate heartbreak.
You stopped calling late at night to tell me about your day and to ask me about mine. You stopped saying the things that I use to hate but deep down you knew they helped me see myself the way that you did. You stopped being the funny, charming guy that I first met and knew. And then you just stopped. Stopped everything. You figured out that you weren't ready because you still thought of her. You only called me because she wasn't there, and you told me that. At first, I understood because we weren't anything. But you were so special to me and I thought at one point that I was special to you; but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I thought it was okay for you to use me because of the way you made me laugh and the way you made me smile just by talking to you. No I wasn't in love but it felt nice to just have someone who was there to talk to, who made me believe that I actually deserved something more. So I got through it, I continued on and I survived my first real heartbreak.
Time went by and I sometimes thought of you. Wondered how you were, if you were happy and then one day you came back. And it wasn't about the fact that you said you weren't ready and then decided to message me again that made me mad. It was the fact that you didn't remember me. You told me that I "seemed familiar" and then when actually thinking about it you remembered who I was, but it broke me. And that was when I realized none of it mattered. None of the phone calls at three a.m. just to talk to me, none of the sweet good morning texts I would see when I first woke up mattered. I was actually nothing to you and in all honesty, I couldn't care. At first I forgave you because I am a girl and I thought that by some miracle you would return back to the person you once were. But then when I let you in fully you repeated your actions once again. You know what they say, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. So I stopped. Because of you I have found myself, I have seen myself at my worst and vowed to never go there again. I have realized that I can't let someone who thinks it is okay to break me to the point where I never wanted to go.
To the guy that I am talking about, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for breaking me, thank you for making me feel like I wasn't wanted anymore. Thank you for showing me that I don't need to have a guy to feel good about myself. Thank you for breaking my heart because I have now mended the pieces with my friends and have moved on to become someone that I never thought I could become. I have changed and that was for the better so thank you for hurting me because I will make sure that no one ever does it again.
