Dear You,
You were my person. You understood me in ways that I didn't even understand myself. You always had my back. You were the first person I wanted to call when I received good news. Your arms were the only place I wanted to be after a bad day. You took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. You were my person. I relied on you and trusted you. We were a team. So, tell me. How the hell did we end up here?
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How did we get to this place where I can't look you in your eyes without crying? When did we become so distant? Did it happen the first time I realized you lied to me about seeing other women? Or was it way before that? They say we accept the love we think we deserve. So, why did I continue to try...why did I stay when I knew I deserved better?
Because I loved you. I loved you so much. And I never intended to fall in love with you. But I did anyway. I loved you for you. I loved you because your smile brightened up my mood. I loved you because you could make me double over in laughter. I loved you because you would rather just hang out and watch movies. I loved you because you were so passionate and protective. I loved you because you made me happy.
But no matter how much I loved you...I couldn't get you to love me back. It didn't matter if I was your person, too. It didn't matter that I supported all of your athletic and academic decisions. It didn't matter that I motivated you. Or that I was good to you. Or that I was there for you. None of it mattered because when it came down to it, you were young and handsome and, most of all, not ready to settle down.
I use to blame you. But now I don't. I learned that you can't help how you feel. You couldn't help the fact that you didn't like me in a relationship sort of way. Just as I couldn't help that I loved you.
You didn't want me. And that fact broke my heart the most.
Or at least you didn't want me in the way that I needed to be wanted. You just wanted me to be another one of your girls. In your eyes, I was the pretty but different girl that you met on the first day of school. I was the girl that you wanted to get into bed with. Not the girl you wanted to meet your parents. No, you weren't ready for that.
I wanted romance and flowers. I wanted someone to be mine. I wanted communication and closeness. And for the most part, we had those things. But there was just one thing you wouldn't give me. And that was you. That was the one thing I couldn't compromise on because out of everything, I wanted you the most. When I realized that I couldn't have you, everything else that I wanted became irrelevant. Because if I couldn't have those things with you...then I didn't want them at all.
So that's why I left. I know this letter is long overdue, but I had to tell you why. I couldn't stay with you and just be your friend. That is how you die while still living, loving someone who will never love you back. I miss you with every part of my soul. But I am never coming back. And I think I'm finallyOK with that. So, I'll see you around love.
Always and forever,
Dom.
