I'm sorry that I've trailed away from you. I know its been a while since you've heard from me. I promise I still think about you, but its become more frequent that I forget about you. I guess I've let myself start to fill with doubt instead of hope. Its nothing you've done, it's me. This sounds like a breakup letter but I promise it's not. If anything, its more of an apology.
I'm sorry that I've listened to the whispers of the world instead of the small talk we have at night. I'm sorry that I've gotten angry and doubted your presence in my life. I'm sorry that I've chosen to be fun over being faithful more than Id like to admit.
I'm sorry for making excuses as to why I can't visit your house on Sundays. I'm sorry that I've chosen to stray from you instead of live by word and live my life for you.
You've done more for me than any earthly human I know. You've saved so many people I love in more ways than I think even they can understand. You have changed my life and given me every opportunity to become the young woman I am and Im sorry for only giving myself credit for that. You have blessed me with an amazing family and parents who love you endlessly. I wish I followed their footsteps like I used to.
Some days I sit back and look at all that I used to do for you and wonder where I went wrong, where I decided that being the life of the party became more of a priority than doing what you have called me to do. No amount of "fun" or likes on my Instagram posts could ever equate to the endless blessings you have granted me. Im sorry for that. Im sorry I chose alcohol and being "cool" over following you. If I could take it back, I would.
But I have to thank you for not giving up on me. I have to thank you for continuously showing yourself to me even when I try my best to ignore it. Don't worry, I see your very obvious signs even when I try to turn my back to them. Thank you for putting people in my life that lead me back to you. I want to better for you. I promise.
Most importantly, thank you for being my Father. I may not be the perfect daughter, but I am trying. I think the hardest thing for me was not being able to sense you like I used to. When we would talk I would swear I could hear you and more recently I just feel alone as if I can't find you anywhere. But you have a funny habit of showing me that I don't need to hear you because I can see you. I see you in the doors you open for me. I see you working in the people around me. I see you over and over again putting things on my heart that I refuse to listen to.
Im done walking away from you. Im done pretending you're not there because you're very stubborn and won't stop showing me that you are. Im done trying to fit in with everyone else simply because not many people my age understand the relationship I have with you. They don't need to. Thats why you use me to show yourself to them, and for that Im grateful. Im not gonna ignore you anymore. I hope you're happy I'm coming back home.
