We used to be so close. We used to do everything together. Then it all stopped…it all came to an end. Losing a best friend is like going through a super bad break up. I would say that sometimes it is even worse. We always thought we would be life long friends, and now I hardly know your name anymore. We used to talk everyday and always gossip about the things that were going on in our lives. From the hangouts to the little dinner dates we would go on; all of that is nonexistent now. It is very sad we stopped talking because we had such a great time together. But over time, our lives got busy, and sometimes people change. I think the biggest problem was that I hated seeing change and that was what dragged some of you away. I felt like I was being replaced and I hated that feeling. I wanted to be your number one. I wanted to be the person you told everything to.
One day it all changed. I partially blame myself for this because I did not know how to handle this and I just let you get away. I haven’t spoke to some of you since high school and have tried reaching out. Yeah, I have seen you here and there, but it just does not seem to be the same. I was once very upset about this, but now I have fully accepted that this has happened. Why? I did this because what else can I do if we have already drifted? We do not have the things we use to have in common anymore and that is O.K.! This took me a while to accept, but once told myself I wouldn’t let something like this take over my mind, I did not let it. People change, and people drift apart. It is all part of growing up.
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Yes, it sucks when stuff like this happens but we somehow get through it and move on with our lives. There have been many of you that I thought would be friends with me forever. Well, that didn’t happen, but I do feel these things happen for a reason and maybe we just weren’t meant to be that kind of friends. As I have gotten older, I've learned that you can count your good friends on one hand. I think this is true because after high school, I have 4 or 5 really good friends and that’s about it. To me, this means more than having a huge group of friends, because after a while, it all stops. The hangouts and the dinners become infrequent because people start getting jobs and even start having families. I do miss everything about all of you and it stinks things happened the way they did. Most of you got significant others, jobs or internships and that is why we no longer talk. I have tried contacting some of you from time to time to catch up but you never reciprocated the communication, so I just gave up. What else could I have done? I cannot force a friendship if you no longer want it. For some of you, we had a falling out and couldn’t repair our friendship…and it was pretty much done and I had a hard time accepting this. I am sorry for that. I wish I could have done something from the start to avoid this mess but it did happen so now I have to live with it. I also have to remember maybe we just grew apart.
From time to time, I see people that have been friends since elementary school and they’re in their early 20’s now, and they still maintain to keep a friendship. I sometimes envy those people because that is all I ever wanted. Sometimes I think these things and do not know exactly what goes on in their friendship because everyone’s friendship with one another is always a little different. But my point is, I would have loved to experience all stages of growing up with one of you or even all of you. I know as time goes on change happens. While change is something that I hate the most, I have accepted that this has to happen for everyone to grow. We cannot live like we are in middle school for the rest of our lives, right? I mean even though it is hard to think about how we no longer talk, I know if we are meant to be friends again, we will at another point in our lives.
I just want you to know, I think about you all the time and there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish that things went differently in our friendship. You were my best friends at one point, the people I use to come to for everything. Now, if I saw you in a store I doubt we would even make eye contact. You will always be in my heart and maybe one day we will reconnect again. But for now, I want you to know that if you ever need anything, I will always still be here no matter what happened between us. People change over time but a lot of times for the better. And yes, sometime for the worse but for the most part, when you get older, you are supposed to act more mature. Some of us haven’t talked since high school and we have been out for a little over 3 years now, so a lot can change over those 3 years. I know I have become a different person over the course of 3 years but I definitely think it is for the better and not for worse.
If that day does not come that we reconnect, I will always have those memories in my heart forever. I will have all the great times we ever had in the back of my head and think about them from time to time. Throughout my time in college, I have met some great people and hopefully life long friends. Even though I have lost you guys during that time, I rebuilt myself. I did this so I could be more open to meeting new people and finding friends with the same interests as me. Making new friends was not easy at times because some people already had their little group of friends and did not want to let anyone else in. I did find some great people who understand me as much as I understand them. Even though I do miss you, I had to do what was right for me and I couldn’t keep living in the past. I always say, move on from the things you can no longer change and I think it is so true. Why waste your energy with something you know most likely won’t work out? I mean, this is only for the time being, of course. For now, I have decided to move on and focus on my life long goals and career. I hope you are all doing well and doing great things with your life. I have never forgotten about you and I never will. Thank you for all the memories you have given to me and hopefully one day we will be reconnected again.
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