I was once "that girl."
The girl who, for years, kept giving a person attention who didn't even deserve anything that I had to offer to them. I kept running back to the same person that kept breaking my heart over and over again. I was better than that and I knew deep down that I was better than that, but when you love someone you push aside the ugly truth because you don't want to completely lose them. You think that they're the only person who is ever going to love you because they make you think that about yourself. They make you feel as if you aren't good enough and that you never will be good enough for anyone but them. The truth is, you are good enough and you will always be good enough.
I know that you think that you can't live without him, but you can. You know that if you let him go for good you lose the memories, the laughs, the time you spent together and, most importantly, you lose him. You lose everything you learned to love about him. You can't fathom losing him for good even if you know he's just going to leave you in the dust again once you take him back, but he's all you've ever know for years now. I know that if you really love someone you never give up on them, but what happens when you've tried multiple times? What happens when you put your all into the relationship and still get your heart broken by him?
To him, you're his second choice. You're the girl that he is going to choose when he's bored and has no one else to run to and once you give in to his game, he gives you that same slap in the face that you've grown fond of by now. You are so much more than a second choice. You deserve someone who is going to love you unconditionally even on your hardest days. You deserve someone who can't go a day without thinking about your smile, or your laugh, or your dreams. You deserve someone who is going to stand by your side throughout every single moment of your life and not just when it's convenient for them.
Learn to find love in yourself and let go of everything that brings you down, like him. Let him go and learn to be by yourself because that is the only way you are going to find the true happiness that you thought was in him but it really wasn't. One day, you're going to end up with the man of your dreams and you'll realize that the boy you thought was a man was only a short chapter in your life. I know that letting go of someone who has been a huge part of your life is hard but keep your chin up and smile because life is to short to let one person kill the happiness that you deserve.