So many times I have broken beautiful things in the fear that they may break me first. I have watched as kind, gentle, loving, men walked out of my life because I was drowning myself with the love of boys who I knew didn’t want commitment. I let a wonderful person slip through my fingers, and in the process ruined what we could have had. I would never admit it back then, but I feared the genuine love he was offering me, so I did what I do best. I broke him so he would tell himself he couldn’t dare love a girl as cruel as me, and it worked. It worked time after time as I ran full speed away from the arms of a man ready to love and into the arms of a boy who never would be. All because I was afraid.
Unable to form words through my sobs as my sister tried to calm me down on the other end of the phone line, I learned that running from love leaves you more broken than running to it ever will. It is absolutely terrifying. It is terrifying to give your heart to someone who might actually see it; someone who has the potential to know you in a way others haven’t. It is terrifying to look at someone and wonder how you survived without them in the first place. It is terrifying that they may change their mind; that they may leave you with nothing left but the belief that you were right all along.
There are so many things about love that tell you you're crazy and once you've been told that, it's hard to trust that you'll find someone who tells you you're not. Once you've been broken, it's hard to believe that not every guy will break you. So instead of taking the risk, you take your heart and build walls to protect it from a love that has the ability to destroy you. I've done it a hundred times, and if you're reading this article, odds are you have, too.
So I guess as a girl who has never been in love, but who has seen the destruction of what being in lust can do, I urge you to choose to love. Choose to be so vulnerable that you feel as though you’re making a complete fool of yourself. Choose the guy who wants your heart not just your body. Choose to be seen. Choose to be terrified. Choose to believe that his intentions are good. There will always be that voice whispering your biggest fears.
He's not interested.
He's going to choose the prettier girl.
He doesn't want to talk to you.
He's going to leave.
But instead of running this time, be intentional about believing in something greater. Something that can change your heart, change your outlook, and change your life. Something called love.
