You wake up in the morning to the sound of your alarm clock. Your peaceful sleep has ended. Your puffy, tired eyes force themselves open. It's the start of a new day. You walk to the bathroom, run the water, and take a long look at yourself. Yesterday was a long day and your bed-head goes to show for it. You try to gather the courage to start again. You get ready on autopilot and wonder how you force yourself to do this every day. You strip your pajamas and change into normal clothes. Suddenly - your favorite pair of pants fit tighter. You rationalize this by thinking you must have shrunk them in the dryer.

The same routine repeats itself until it's not just your favorite pants, its the sleeves of your favorite shirt. The belt loops get shorter. Suddenly, you wake up one morning and your cheeks look puffier, and you feel larger. The hard truth hits: you've gained weight. Even worse, you're not even sure when it happened. "Was it that grande Starbucks drink?" or "Maybe it was the morning CFA biscuits on the way to work?" Or perhaps, you did absolutely nothing different In your routine. It feels like your whole body changed overnight.

I'm here to say, if you've ever felt this way - you're not alone.

The self-depricating thoughts form. Suddenly, you start to feel like a shell of your old self. You don't recognize the body in front of you.

Growing up, I was active from the womb. I dabbled in various sports my whole life. This kept me petite and solid for the majority of my life until about three years ago - my body completely changed.

It felt like I had plateaud - my healthy eating and workout schedule was failing me. I started using apps to count my calories and thinking of how many pounds I was away from my desired weight. I was goal-oriented but not for the right reasons. I secluded myself from others if it involved eating bad. I was so focused on how I wanted my body to look that I was missing out on the present moment.

As time went on, I gained a better balance between the two, until I switched completely to the opposite side of the spectrum. I became so indulged in living life and happiness that I began to eat and drink whatever I wanted and started skipping the gym. I stopped thinking about my body and its outward appearance and loved it. I loved myself. I was outgoing, I was carefree, and undoubtedly myself. As great as my mental state was, I Ignored the signs my body was showing me that it was suffering on the inside.

This was the start to the cycle of my disordered eating. When my mental state was low, I was counting calories, telling myself I wasn't enough until I looked like my desired body.

For a long time, I had a scattered way of how that was supposed to look. I wanted to be stick skinny with a thigh gap, I wanted to be fit and strong - I wanted whatever I didn't have.

This inconsistent and disordered thinking only leads you to one place - depression; never being happy with what's in the mirror.

My body changed. It shrunk. It was fragile and bruised.

It grew. It stretched and filled in.

I hid from pictures, I refused to buy new clothes. I felt embarrassed to see old friends. I hid from anything that meant people possibly judging me. It felt like I was living in a body that wasn't my own.

If this resonates you with you, I hope you look at yourself and find peace.The reality is, your body was created for change - but it can take a lifetime to understand that. Just like you changed and grew from a toddler, to a teenager, to an adult, our bodies elongate, stretch, slim, bloat, etc. It is ever changing. If more people realized and accepted this, they'd become more at peace.

Look in the mirror and start to look at the things you like about yourself. The way your freckles fall perfectly. Your long eyelashes. Your thick arched brows. Your full lips. Whatever it is that you like about your appearance, show it love. You are imperfectly perfect just the way you are.

Start to talk about things you love about yourself more than the things you dislike. Show your talents, do your makeup to accentuate your unique features, wear clothes that fit you and show your personality. The more you start to focus on your good qualities, the more you will see the ones you dislike less.

Focus on how you feel on the inside. It will take the pressure off of your flaws. You'll feel inspired to be healthier altogether because you are honoring your true self.

The more you fall in love with yourself, the more you will want to treat your body with love and respect.

You'll start to realize all of the opportunities and people you might have missed out on. You'll realize how good it feels to laugh with your best friend over margaritas, to play in the ocean with your family, to hold someone you love, and to go out with your girlfriends. You'll start to realize that the people and moments that matter most don't depend on a number on a scale. Most importantly, people won't remember what you looked like, but they will remember how you made them feel.

You'll start to feel free.

I am learning to be free and learning to love every version of myself.