You can't rush something that you want to last forever. That's what I tell myself when my mind is so overwhelmed that it feels as if my life is in a continuous spiral that I only wish I could have full control of. But, in all reality, that's not how it's supposed to be at all. Maybe I am supposed to feel helpless when I sit in the chaos of what my life is. Maybe there is a bigger picture being created that I am blind to, but just for right now.
When I tell you there is nothing I want more than to get on with my life, I really mean there is absolutely nothing my heart longs for more. I want to hurry up and graduate college, but I said the same thing when I was in high school, and look at me here now, forever wishing for my ever-evolving future to make its entrance. When I was in middle school, I had various boyfriends, thinking I wanted to marry each of them, I prayed that time would pass and that I would marry them as soon as I could, but here I am now, totally in love with my boyfriend of over four years, Noah, saying the exact same thing. I want to graduate with my degree(s), get engaged somewhere along the way, build my house with Noah, marry him and have kids and love doing what I chose as a career path until the day the Lord calls me home. That is all I want. Doesn't seem like much, does it? I am sure your plan is similar to mine, but in its own special context. But these kind of things weren't supposed to be proposed and fulfilled in MY timing or YOUR timing. The hours glass is in someone else's hands who has a better future already set in stone, even now, for every single one of us. That someone is God.
I am not sure about you, but I can testify that if I was the one to have had absolute control over my life up to this point, there is no telling where I would be right now. Just take a minute and think about it. In my mind, I am assured that all the things I want are what's best for me at this moment, but how could I really know? God is on the right side of me whispering, "Just wait. It is all a process. Trust my timing, my princess.", while I ramble on about me, me, me and everything I NEED to do and everything I NEED to happen. It is only when I get out of my mindset of self that I can actually breathe and see that I am only in the beginning of my story, my temporary forever here on Earth.
Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, has an old song on one of her first albums titled "One in a Million" that my ear would constantly perk up to, even at the age of 10. One lyric in the song that still sticks out to me TO THIS DAY is, "They say that good things take time,". To me, this means to trust the waiting. You have to trust the timing on the nights you are up late studying aimlessly or that one day you're so bored in class that you "pin" your entire wedding on Pinterest. You must trust the wait, because the longer you wait, the more you ponder on it and the more the heart either grows more or less fond of whatever idea you have in mind at that moment. So trust God in His timing, because trust in Him is faith in Him--faith that He will provide you with anything that you might need, then some.
One thing that absolutely terrifies me, but fascinates God is the uncertain. God loves giving me new challenges, waiting for me to seek Him for guidance and watching how I carry His presence with me and over me like a blanket after I listen to what He has to say. He tells me, "Do not fear, for I am with you,", but yet I still fear what I do not know. The unknown is scary because we aren't familiar with it, so therefore it is not pliable like everything else in our life. We, as natural humans, hate when we cannot fix things to how we would like them to be. However, it is through our embracing of the uncertainty that we learn to love the process of becoming. Becoming a better friend, a better daughter, better wife, better colleague, better person than the day before, better servant to God...because when nothing is certain, anything is possible.
Life is a journey. It has twisting roads, high hills, low valleys, sunny days and rainy nights. Some days, you might not know how you're gonna make it to tomorrow, but what you can know, fully, is who holds tomorrow. I know that right now, you want everything all at once. But what would be the purpose of life if you received all you were entitled to all at one time? There wouldn't be one. So consider all these things you refer to as obstacles, giant leaps forward. Enjoy the ride, I promise everything that is designated to be yours will be yours as long as you learn to wait. So steady that heavy-beating heart of yours and learn to be patient as you wait for new blessings. Live your life day-by-day and you will surely find the treasure you are endlessly seeking. And always remember, do not trade God's timing for your deadline.
