Dear Me,
When I wrote to you last you were pushing through freshman year. You were learning how to balance your responsibilities while trying to do well in school, and figuring out who was worth keeping close and who it was time to let go of. I wrote to you in hopes that you would one day realize that the world isn’t perfect and that there are so many things that will be beyond your control. Sometimes, things will fall apart, and all you would be able to do is stand there and watch them. Because the reality is, no matter how hard you try and how much you believe that you can fix things, some things are meant to fall apart. So let them, and don’t mourn too long. I also mentioned that one day you would look back on everything and laugh at the time where you were struggling to figure out the rest of your life. You would laugh when you remembered being stuck at the age where you were kind of on your own, but still needed mom and dad when you were sick (and when you needed a little extra money.) Well, you still need mom and dad. You’ll always need mom and dad. In all honesty, not much time has passed. Not much has changed since I spoke to you last, but I’d figured I’d give you a little bit of an update, and some more encouragement to keep on doing what you’re doing.
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Do you remember being caught in that place where you were expected to figure out what you wanted to do with the rest of your life, who you were, and where you were supposed to go? and how much all of these decisions were suffocating you. Well, future you, I hope that you're doing everything you said you would. And I know you're doing everything that you were meant to. It’s still suffocating me. I still wonder if the path I’m pursuing is the right one. If it’s the path we’re meant to be on. But I have faith in my decisions. I may not be 100% convinced, but I’m 100% confident in my ability to be successful, and that I’ll eventually get to where I’m supposed to be going.
I hope you've learned to stress less. Well. You haven’t given me gray hair or wrinkles just yet. Actually, one or two gray hairs may pop up once in a while but I’m pretty sure they’re just really light blonde and, I kind of like it. You still over-think things and procrastinate. But you’re in college, so what did you expect? And of course, you’re going to be stressed the eff out. I’m working on the time management thing, and you’ve gotten a lot better at prioritizing. You write things down five or six different times, on five or six different pieces of paper (a little OCD if you ask me) but you’ve gotten better. I hope that you've learned how to control your stress and not take it out on others. I know that when you were younger you allowed yourself to get caught up inside of your mind. I hope you've learned how to breathe, unclench your teeth, and relax.It’s a work in progress.
I hope you've stopped worrying about things you have no control over. You thought that worrying would help you solve your problems. Over-thinking your anxieties would help bring your heartbeat down to a steady rate, and calm your unsteady hands and sweaty palms. But in actuality, there's no point in worrying over something you have no control over. I hope that you've realized that some things are beyond our control. You still worry like crazy. Your hands still tremble, and your heart still races.I guess it’s something we’ll figure out in the future.
I hope you've learned that not everyone means what they say. I hoped that you would continue to see the good in people. However, clearly see who is no good for you. Because sometimes people don’t have good intentions, and although you wished you could shield yourself from all the negativity, and still believe that people had good hearts, some people lack what I hope you still have. I hope that you've opened your eyes and know who means what they say, and who just says it to keep you around. I hope you don't allow anyone to take advantage of you. I hope that you've learned that you deserve the same effort in all of your relationships that you've always put in. I hope you have learned to fight for the right people, and let go of all the toxic ones. I hope you still have a good heart.You would be proud. You would be so proud of me today because you learned to politely nod and smile at people who think that you’re buying their BS. You’ve stayed respectful, although you’ve realized who means what they say and who doesn’t. Because those who mean it prove it. But I write to future you in hopes that you continue to do so. You’re almost halfway through college, and I hope that the next two years make you into the person that I know you’ll become, instead of tearing you apart. I hope when you write to me next, you’re telling me all about the friends who stuck around, and that you’ve finally let go of the ones who no longer have a place in your life. I hope that the little muscle beating inside of your chest is still in once piece, and is still as pure as it was a few years ago.
I hope you've learned not to fall for the boys who make you laugh. I know you're sitting on the couch right now, leaning your right arm on a pillow and your left hand is resting in the palm of the love of your life. (If not, it'll happen. Please don't give up.) You deserve someone that can handle your heart. I hope he asks you how your day was. I hope he deals with you when you're being annoying, and I hope he listens to you whether it's for two minutes, 15 minutes, or two hours. I hope it's forever. Well, it hasn’t even been a year. You’re not married, or anything too serious right now. But I still have the same hopes for future you, and I know that we’ll find him when the time is right.
I hope that you finally got the chance to travel. You’ve gone to Rhode Island a few times, ventured to Jersey, but no out of the country stuff just yet.
I hope you still talk to all of your old friends. I hope you've held on to the good ones. I hope that they were your bridesmaids. I hope your maid of honor gave the best drunken speech that you have ever heard in your entire life. I hope she knows all of your college stories, and that she knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. I hope that you've held on to the friends that saw the different stages of you. I hope they grew up with you, and never leave your side. I hope your children call them aunt and uncle. I’ve held onto the good ones. I still talk to your best friends from high school, and your close friends from freshman year, you’re even closer to them this year. Again, no marriage stuff (LOL) so the bridesmaid thing is still yet to be determined. But you’ve gone through some ups and downs this year, and I think the friends you have right now are worth holding on to.
I hope that you've learned to forgive yourself. You’re still making mistakes, and I think you’ve realized that you’re going to continue making mistakes for the rest of your life. You’re doing the best you can.
I hope that you are happy. I hope you have found pure, genuine, blissful happiness, and that you never have to let go of any of it.You’re on your way.
I hope you're alive. Not breathing, but I mean that's always a good thing. Hopefully you're breathing. But I hope that you know you're alive. You're older, but your life isn't over. You may not be as young as you were in college (god, please don't be one of those people stuck in their college phase.) I hope you've started a new chapter in your life. Your heart is beating, and I hope you're always thankful for that. I guess you wrote to me thinking that I was going to be reading this ten, maybe fifteen years from now. Our heart is still beating, and I’ll be thankful for that until it stops.
You wrote to me from 288. With your feet crossed under that black rolling chair by your desk, in a comfy black T, with your hair up, and your favorite ripped jeans. You typed this letter with chipped blue and red nail polish. I still have so much love for that room. The room that witnessed new friendships being made, frantic scrambling to get 15 pages of your freshman paper done (which you got an A on, congrats) and memories (good and some not so great) that you’ll remember for a lifetime.
Love always,
The same you. The same black rolling chair is by the desk in Founders. The same white and gray striped comforter is spread over your bed. The highlighter mark is still there, too. Your hair is a little longer now, and those ripped jeans that you were in love with… well, they’re even more ripped but you’ve refused to get rid of them. Your nails look a lot better right now. Painted white, a few chips here in there, but better.
Keep smiling.
In Response To: An Open Letter To The Future Me https://www.theodysseyonline.com/open-letter-to-th...
