Dear incredible friend,
Dealing with anxiety is hard for me, but I also understand that it is hard for you to watch me suffer. So thank you for not leaving when things get rough. I know you may not always understand what I'm feeling, but you are always there to hold my hand when I am in a moment, and I appreciate that more than you will ever know. I live with a monster inside of me that tries desperately to claw it's way out, but you are always there to help me fight it off. So with that being said, here are a few things I want you to know:
1. I don't always know why I'm anxious.
This is one of the hardest things to deal with when it comes to anxiety. Even when I am having a perfect day, I can go into an anxious state instantly, and I may never know why. Sometimes my chest will tighten up for no reason, I will start to panic, and I'll feel like I can't breathe. Deep down inside, I know there is nothing to be anxious about, but I'll still feel like I'm dying.
2. I will apologize constantly, and I am sorry for that.
The feeling of constant guilt is one of the many layers of emotion that make up anxiety. I will constantly feel as if I have done or said something wrong, and I will say sorry repeatedly, no matter how many times you say it's okay.
3. I don't like telling you when I am anxious.
This isn't because I don't trust you or I feel like you'll be mad, it's simply because I don't want to burden you. I know my problems are heavy on my own shoulders, and I don't want you to feel like you have to help e carry them. Even when you beg me to tell you what's wrong, I may not be completely honest about it because I am worried the weight of my problems will crush you and our friendship.
4. My anxiety attacks aren't always visible.
When most people think of anxiety attacks, they imagine someone curled up in the fetal position, ricking back and forth, crying hysterically. This is the case sometimes, but most of the time, my monster will silently attack. These are the most harmful attacks for me. I could be smiling and laughing, but on the inside, my heart is racing and I feel like i'm drowning in oxygen.
5. Sometimes sleeping isn't an option.
It's currently 4 am, and I am sitting at my computer, typing this letter for you. I have been up since 11 yesterday morning. I haven't been able to sleep because my mind won't stop racing. It feels like my brain is a race car going full speed at all hours of the day. I can't help this, there isn't really a way to stop it.
6. Coming out of an anxiety attack can take a while, so please be patient.
Sometimes it can take hours for me to fully calm down. If there is ever a time where you know I am having an attack, the best way to help me is to make me talk to you. Ask me random questions. Make me tell you about my favorite TV show when I was 11. Anything to get me back to breathing naturally and get my mind off of my attack. This may take a little bit of time, but it's the quickest way.
7. Thank you.
I really can't thank you enough for the support you have given over the years. You are always there when I need you. I know If i was four hours away and called you, you would be there in three hours and fifty-nine minutes. So thank you, I love you.
I know everyone deals with their anxiety differently. This is just how I deal with mine.
