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An Open Letter To The First Boy That Broke My Heart

Not broken anymore...

Angleica Medina

Feb 08, 2016

Merrimack College

An Open Letter To The First Boy That Broke My Heart

Dear he who shall not be named,

Even after all this time, I still do not know what I would say to you if you were standing right in front of me today. There are days when you do not even cross my mind at all and I am totally fine. Then I see something that randomly reminds me of some little stupid thing that you would do and I immediately am overcome by emotions for absolutely no reason. I would just like to start by saying I do not hate you, nor will I ever. I do not think I can ever hate because you changed the naive and stubborn girl that I used to be. You were the first person that brought out my soft side and I am forever grateful for that. I can still remember the huge smile I'd get when you'd text me and the way my heart would drop to my chest when I would see you around campus. You were the first person to truly have my heart and the first person to break it too.

Even though now I can never hate you, for the longest time I really really did. I hated you, your friends, I hated everything and anything associated with you. You really broke my hart, honestly shattered it. Since you were the first person to ever do so, I was lost. I thought it was my fault. I started blaming myself for everything, thinking I must have done something wrong for you to leave me. Because of you, I started to doubt myself, blame myself for what must have gone wrong, when in reality, it was all you and everything you did and did not do. You made me cry for no reason, not want to go out on the weekends, not even leave my bed. I would hear your name and instantly look down. Whenever I would talk to a new guys, I would try to find some small part of you in them and I would always get disappointed. I used to be super naive and think that I could never be that girl that gets all sad and upset over a boy but you proved that to be completely wrong. So even though you did put a dark cloud over my life for a while, I would like to thank you because you changed me for the better.

I would just like to thank you so much for everything. Thank you for the memories that I still think about here and there to this day. Thank you for showing me a side of myself I never knew existed. I honestly hope you are happy and have found someone that makes you just as happy. I could never be mad or bitter that we never worked out. It was just not meant to be and that is not either of our faults. I will always have a spot for you in my heart because you were an important person in my life.

Not broken anymore,

Angelica M.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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An Open Letter To The First Boy That Broke My Heart

Not broken anymore...

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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