Twenty-three of you didn’t want me, twenty-three. I can still hear you saying goodbye for the last time, or even the sound of my trash bag full of clothes being thrown out the front door. Hearing it twenty-three times in different ways. Some of you decided to go the “pity me” route and tell them that I was an awful child, that I was out of control and couldn’t be taken care of. Please just explain to me how a seven-year-old can be so awful. Or some of you went the path of lying and say that you just aren’t going to foster anymore so you must get rid of me. Then you later find out that you are taking care of another little girl. Was I not good enough, was it because I missed my mom? I tried to forget about her but you were the one who reminded me every day that I was going to end up just like her, rotting in prison. What hurt me the most was when you would hurt me so bad that I would have to be pulled out of your home. You got paid to abuse me, you told me I was just an income to you. I can still hear those words. I hear them every time an adult figure wants to get close to me, or when someone wants to try and nurture me. I hear you saying how worthless I am and how I deserve no one. What makes me so infuriated is that you have said those vile things to other children. Children who have no one on their side but you. This what you got paid for and you couldn’t even accomplish that. I am not going to lie and try to make myself sound tough because that will not help anyone. You hurt me in so many more ways than you probably imagined. You thought those times you hit me or didn’t feed me just affected me then but I now flinch every time someone tries to touch me and eat my food in 2.5 seconds. You didn’t think I would still cry every night thinking about the things you said. I go to sleep remembering that I am not wanted. I fear basements because of you. You took my childhood away and I want to let you know I have never gotten it back. The thing is though, you didn’t win, I did. I am now eighteen years old going to college like you said I couldn’t. I now live in an apartment, when you said I’d be homeless. I am surrounded by so many amazing friends who have given me a substantial amount of family, which you said I would never achieve. I work full time at a job I put my heart and soul into, which you of course told me I would never be able to hold one. I have proven you wrong, I won. I am not angry with you; I am hurt but that will eventually pass. The main thing I must say is thank you. You made me realize the type of person I didn’t want to be when I grew up, thank you.