Through your children, I have learned that no divorce is the same. We commiserate with each other over similar feelings but understand that our situations vary tremendously. I will never be able to truly pinpoint my friend’s emotions regarding their parents' divorce and they will never be able to fully capture the extent of my feelings. It affects us all differently, ultimately, shaping our views on life and love. But we all have one thing in common: we have learned from your mistakes and will do whatever we can to make sure we do not repeat them in our own future relationships.
Through the hurt of not being able to be with both parents on Thanksgiving or Christmas, I have found myself smiling in the presence of strangers. As you move on with your lives and meet new people, it is not an easy transition for us to be suddenly told that we have to spend holidays with unfamiliar faces. We look at our friends whose parents are together and yearn to have that in our own lives. But when we now have to sit at a dinner table surrounded by your boyfriend and girlfriend’s families, this void becomes even more apparent. The first few holidays after an open wound of a fresh divorce are always the hardest. I have found myself angry, sad, and wondering, "If I slipped out the back door, would anyone even notice I had gone?" Over time, I began to see this as a hidden blessing. While switching off holidays may not be the most functional or ideal situation, it has given me the opportunity to see both of you happy again.
Through having to move as a consequence of divorce, I realized that a house is nothing more than a house. It is what Carrie Underwood would call a “Temporary Home." I have childhood memories of playing on my old dilapidated swing set and sitting by the creek in my backyard searching for tiny minnows. I even remember wishing that I could build an underground tunnel to my neighbors house… those are the moments I will always hold close to my heart. But when it comes down to it, moving has led me to find contentment in change.
Through the end of your love, I have discovered a more realistic definition of love. It is not wise to look at love like it is portrayed in fairy tales, because that will only lead to disillusionment. Sometimes a relationship just isn’t meant to be, and that is perfectly okay. Unfortunately, most of us who have gone through the stress of a divorce have often felt like we will eventually fall to the same fate as you one day with our own marriages. We build walls around our hearts, making sure to never fully let others into our lives in an effort to protect ourselves from getting hurt. I think that part of the reason why my generation has such a prevalent hookup culture is because most of us simply do not know what love is. We have seen the end of it, and as a result, trust people differently. That is why you must encourage your children to keep an open mind about love. Just because your relationship did not work out, does not mean it will be the same for them as well.
Through your divorce, I have learned that a bent smile is only temporary. Furniture can be re-bought. Pictures can be taped back together. And if bones can fuse and rejoin in a miraculous connection between pain and healing, we can as well. We know divorce is not easy for you. And it is definitely not easy for us. Change is inevitable in life, and this hurt we may feel one day can just as easily be replaced by happiness tomorrow.
