Dear Fellow Control Freak,

I understand your pain. Believe me, I know you want everything to go according to plan and when it doesn't, that's just another added stress to your already-full plate. Even the slightest change can upset your perfect balance and well-organized schedule. You're not a "go with the flow" type of person and that's okay, but maybe it is time for us to let go.

I was talking to a friend once who pointed out this controlling part of my personality. At first, I was offended and angry that she thought I was a control freak. I endeavor to be the best friend I can be and I didn't want her to think less of me. Fortunately, she explained that it wasn't an issue, but more of a personal obstacle. She was concerned that it was standing in the way of my personal growth in relationships, work, school, and all things.

After much thought, I was thankful for her honesty and insight, reaching the conclusion that she indeed had a point. I have stress issues and anxiety that wreck my body physically, mentally, and emotionally. I grind my teeth in my sleep, rarely achieving a good night of sleep. I also suffer from migraines, frequent headaches, back pain, and neck pain. Sometimes I lose focus on the present moment by worrying about future possibilities. I get upset when a certain plan doesn't work or things don't go the way I want them to. All of these issues can be linked to stress and the controlling tendencies that emphasizes it.

Clearly I can't control everything and my expectation of being able to do so is incorrect. I can't control life. Life will kick you and kick you and kick you again, until you're out of breathe and on your knees. I can't control life, which means I need to realize that I can't control the various aspects of it.

We can plan until our faces turn blue, but our plans will still be changed or reformed as we go. It doesn't help us get back on course by imposing our plans on other people or becoming upset when plans are changed. It only disadvantages us or harms us. It strains relationships, not to mention our bodies and minds.

Imagine how free we could be. Imagine what it is like to not worry so much or to let things be as they are. When you turn in a paper or make a career decision, it is pointless to concern yourself with the outcome. It is pointless to try to control something that is already out of your hands. It is pointless to try to control the actions of another person to fit your grand scheme.

However, there are reasons why control freaks act they way they do. Control freaks have big dreams or goals they want to achieve. Some parts of their lives are too important to risk. A control freak believes there is something to be lost and the idea of it being lost literally freaks them out. It is important to understand the motivation of a control freak before you immediately judge them or grow angry with their tendencies. A control freak is in a constant battle with their minds and it is hard to battle you as well.

Well, fellow control freaks, we are faced with a choice. We can live the rest of our lives fighting to gain control of things we never will or we can live in peace by letting go. I know you might have to fight your instincts, but it will be worth it. We need to relinquish control and live freely again.