I used to think I was pretty athletic. I grew up playing sports; started t-ball at the age of 5, basketball at the age of 8, then so on. As I grew older, clearly the competition got harder. Being at a Catholic school, you were placed on either the “A” or “B” team, “A” being the more advanced team. Since our school wasn’t necessarily the biggest, we didn’t have “A” or “B” teams for all the sports. So I ended up on fair teams for every sport I played, except one. Volleyball.

Volleyball was my favorite. At my school, you could start playing in fourth grade, and I did. I immediately fell in love with the sport. I don’t know if it was because my older cousin was a superstar at it back at her school in Texas, or because I genuinely just liked the game. Whatever it was, I knew I wanted to continue playing. So I did. I definitely was a pretty decent player. I loved most of my coaches, and for the most part didn’t have issues with any of them. When I hit sixth grade was when the teams began splitting up into the “A” and “B” teams. For volleyball, we even had a C team because that many girls played! Fortunately, I made the “A” team all 3 years and eventually joined JO club volleyball during my eighth grade year.

JO began my downfall in volleyball. The girls that I knew who also played volleyball had been doing JO for at least 1 to 2 years before I joined, so I already felt behind when it came to that. But what made it worse was that they had their “in” at this volleyball club, and I felt like a complete wallflower. Everyone knew what they were doing, knew who to talk to, knew the coaches… and I knew no one. I was just there because I loved volleyball.

So tryouts came and went. I was happy to be placed on a pretty decent team. The ranks went National, American and Regional with a few teams on each level. I was placed on the highest level of Regional, which I wasn’t mad about because it was my first year. As the season began, I became friends with only a few girls on the team. More so, the quieter ones. The other ones all knew each other and were loud and crazy and to be honest, they intimidated me. This made the season difficult. Every time I’d mess up, I felt like they would all laugh and talk about me. I had mixed feelings about my coach. I liked her, but she also intimidated me. She actually made me one of the two setters, which I never even knew was a big talent of mine, but she saw it in me. That was something great about her -- she saw so much potential in me and although she yelled at our team quite a lot, she still cared about my personal skills and development in the sport.

JO season ended and I can’t say I was too upset. I definitely increased my talents and abilities during this time and I thought I was ready for tryouts for freshman year of high school. Unfortunately, the high school I chose to attend was very, very competitive in sports. One of the main ones, of course, being volleyball. I became decently close with a few of the other girls trying out at open gyms and what not, but I was still pretty nervous when it came down to it. There weren’t too many girls trying out for the freshman team, so I thought I had a pretty good chance. My tryout went well. But when the news came back, what I found out didn’t necessarily have me jumping out of my seat.

I made the team. But, as a “practice player.” At first, I didn’t really understand what it meant. Me being an incoming freshman girl, I started posting online about how happy I was that I made the team and texting all of my friends all ecstatic. Little did I know that when all of these people came to the games, I wouldn’t be playing in them. At all.

To this day I’d still like to know why one would put just one person on a team with the title “practice player," especially a poor little freshman girl who worked her butt off to get a spot on that team. I’m not saying I was amazing or extraordinary at the sport, but what I’m saying is that every person on a freshmen volleyball team should get a chance to play. I never really saw the other setter standing out anymore than I did. Actually, for about five games in a row, she had to sit out because she sprained her ankle. I, being the back-up setter, took her position, and guess what? We won all five of those games.

I just want to know how a coach could have this in them. How watching that same player sit on the bench game after game after game didn’t affect them whatsoever. How being “a part of the team,” but not even playing for them makes one feel. I’ll tell you how it feels… worthless. I can remember the exact feeling I felt when my team would be jumping up and down over a tough win, while I sat on the bench and pretended I was a part of them. Because I wasn’t. They all knew it, my coach knew it, I knew it.

So what I learned is that next time I put my heart and soul into something, that I will stand up for myself. I won’t let myself sit there and watch and pretend it was me out on that court. Instead, I will stand up to whoever is putting me down and speak up. I deserved to be out on that court every single game.

A big screw you to the coach who ruined my love for volleyball. I hope you feel accomplished.