Dear One Direction,

As of July 23rd, 2016, it will be your six year anniversary of being a group. Even though Zayn is technically not in the group, you can’t let go of the original five. But to put perspective the time, that’s approximately a third of my life. That’s the longest relationship I’ve ever been in.

I don’t want to be extremely cliche and thank you for “saving my life”, but in a sense you have. When you captured my litte eighth grader heart as I watched ‘What Makes You Beautiful’, I was hooked on not only your beautiful faces and voices but your genuine loving personality shined through. I immediately felt a connection.

Do you know when you meet someone and you think to yourself, “Where have you been all my life?’, that’s the feeling I got from you boys. What a feeling that is. This of course led to sleepless nights watching YouTube video after video going through X-Factor playbacks and video diaries and even going through interview after interview. I felt I knew you guys more than just faces on the screen; I consider you friends.

Years passed and I’d have a tradition to myself to buy each new album as a present to myself for accomplishing a school trimester or I’d receive it as a gift for my birthday or Christmas. Either way, everyone knew I loved you guys. You guys kept always kept me joyful even though this point of my life I constantly felt lost and lonely.

With those albums, it was evident the growth you guys had in your music and as people. I was also growing up with you.It was like every album corresponded to the time period I was in. Listening to ‘Up All Night’ was a perfect introduction to your band as it exuded the youthfulness and innocence of 14 year old me. ‘Take Me Home’ tried to be more mature in content with a hint of more rock like influences but the bubblegum pop vibes never ceased to fade and this perfectly matched my first year into high school. Although I tried to be one of the older kids, I was still a small freshman not knowing what to do and who I was. Just like me, you were trying to discover who you were as people and musicians.

The summer before my sophomore year I had the opportunity to watch you boys live on tour. I had the pleasure to watch you guys at the Target Center in a suite! I was surrounded by some of my fellow Directioner friends, and I have these pals because you created a bond that can’t be broken. That night we laughed, sang and cried and had the best night ever.

It was just a casual gathering with over thousands of people spending quality time with their favorite boys: you.

Leaving that concert, I had a new sense of love for you. Once you experience something live, nothing could ever compare to the surrealism it produces. I gained a more personal connection even though the entire venue probably had their own sense of intimacy as well.

Again, another album came out that year. ‘Midnight Memories’ was a turning point in your musical ventures. You experimented with different styles and honestly you pulled it off. The lyrics never failed to touch my heart and evoke thoughts I didn’t know could be expressed and it’s quite a coincidence that I began dabbling in writing once you boys started taking your writing seriously. ‘Four’ came out that following year and it was less hyped about than the other albums but with the fanbase you created it didn’t diminish sales but it was evident you boys were becoming men. The music displayed more mature themes you would never dare to imply in the first album but I matured to and continued to revel in my appreciation of your everything.

My junior year spring break I was travelling in France with my school choir when the biggest shocker was brought to me. Zayn officially announced his departure in the band. I was heartbroken. In better words, I was exactly like your first group performance: torn. Zayn, how could you ever leave your band? Your brothers? How could you leave me? After grieving the loss, I focused my attentions back into marveling the beauty of France but in the back of my mind I was trying to survive the storm of thoughts and emotion clashing my entire being.

Months passed before I had probably the best night of my existence. July 26th, 2015 I experienced the ‘On The Road Again’ tour at TFC Bank stadium with my sister and my best friend Megan. We were on the floor and participated in fan activities celebrating the five year anniversary of the band and just like the last concert we laughed, sang until our lungs couldn’t take it and danced. I didn’t cry this time. I know who you guys are and I was just happy being with you again because every moment with you I feel like a girl almighty.

The concert passed and news of the band hiatus came and I was a bit saddened but at the same time I knew you all needed a break. After five constant years of nonstop performances and work, you were desperately needing a vacation. I know I need a vacation even after a week of school! So hearing ‘Made In The A.M’, your last album before the break, was an emotional roller coaster ride. I got the album my senior year of high school and I had a surge of nostalgia wash over me as I reminisce all the memories I made with you. Again, it was an odd yet pleasant coincidence that you starting this new chapter of your careers coincided with me starting a new chapter in mine: college.

The activity of the group has been lowkey since the start of your break. All of you are trying new things like Zayn dropped his new album last January, Niall is enjoying golf, Harry is starring in his first film, Louis is now a father and Liam recently announced signing on as a solo artist. I’m extremely proud that you all are looking into new interest and living your lives happily but it just pains me to not see you all together. It pains me not knowing the truth. Is Louis truly a father? Why don’t the rest of you boys talk to Zayn since his departure when you say your family? Will the band continue if Harry and Liam have signed solo contracts?

I thought after being invested in this relationship for these many years, that you would at least completely be honest with me. I’m truly not angry just a bit disappointed and feeling abandoned. My friend Megan accurately describes the feeling as having “empty nest syndrome”. I just don’t want to leave behind the history we made.

Regardless of what happens in the future, I’m beyond blessed that you’ve brought so much light in my life. You’ve given some of best friends. You’ve taught me love has no limits. You’ve shown the power of music is as powerful as love. You’ve given me lifelong memories that I’ll treasure for infinity.

Hopefully you guys aren’t truly over. Either way I can’t wait for the next album or the reunion concert because you know I’ll be there cheering you on.

Love You Goodbye,