Before falling in love with you I knew that you would be a challenge to love. I had heard all of the horror stories from countless girls that had known you romantically or the ones that had known you their whole life, but I wanted to believe that you were something more than the rumors people spread about you. I believed in you when it seemed that no one else had, and I still believe in you; even after you hurt me again and again.
I knew that all of your excuses were a little too convenient. I knew that your outrage whenever i asked you a question about one of your lies. You told me that it was me that was acting crazy. That I was always "assuming" things without ever actually asking about the whole story, but that was just one of your covers. A curtain that blinded me and made me feel as if I was the crazy one in our relationship.
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I wanted to believe you when you told me that it wouldn't happen again, and I did countless times, but enough was enough when I found out that even your I love you's were a fable. I didn't want to believe that you continued to lie to me, even after the end. I wanted to believe that you were the perfect person for me. Even after all of the tears, the lies, and the heart break. I wanted you to be my soulmate so badly that it eventually killed me.
I lost everything I was before "Us". I lost the confidence that I had before you, because of your countless ridicule of women who were a "over weight". You would call them "Ham Planet's" or "Baby Fat's", but in reality they were all my size. I lost the faith that I had in myself that made me believe in anything anyone said to me. Everything I heard from someone knew came with a lingering suspicion of their honesty. I was left a paranoid and self conscious mess.
I know that I am not perfect. I never have been and I never will, but there is one thing that I did that you failed to do, and that was "Try." I tried to help you. I tried to encourage you to be a better person, to not say mean things the people that you judged by their cover, or to become something more than a boy who settled on lies, and I wanted you to better me too. That was rarely the case.
I know that in time this too will pass, but it doesn't change the fact that the person I had the most faith in failed me; because you decided that your pride, or your ego was more important than the feelings of the person you "loved." I know that someday I will find somebody whom would rather burn their tongue than lie to me. Someone that will never stop loving me, someone that would never make me feel as if I was the person that was the cause of all the problems in the relationship.
I will never stop believing in you. I know that you can change, even if it isn't with me. I know that someday you will find yourself and hopefully the next person you love never has to feel the sting of all your lies. I wish you the best, because that's all I ever really wanted for you. So, Goodbye my dear boy, and good luck.
