There are so many ways I would like to begin this letter. I would love to lash out at you, and tear down every last bit of self-worth that you have built up, as you did to me for months and months on end. I would thoroughly enjoy calling out each and every one of your flaws, just to give you a taste of your own medicine. It would appease me most to kick you while you are already down, making you wonder what you did to deserve this, just like you caused me to wonder countless nights. However, none of those are how I am going to begin, because I am not like you.

I'll begin by saying thank you. Thank you for showing me the difference between lust and love. Thank you for teaching me the differences between a boy and a man. Thank you for making me realize that I am worth so much more than what is beneath my clothes. If it weren't for your relentless abuse, negativity and anger, I may have settled with someone like you. Thank you for showing me what a miserable life that would have been, and for giving me a taste of what the rest of my life would look like if I couldn't find the courage to run. Finding the courage to run, though, was one of the scariest things I had ever done. That is saying a lot, because fear became my most common emotion during my time with you.

There were many nights with you that I was terrified, especially when you had been drinking. The rage that would build up in your eyes if I did anything but exactly what you wanted would make even the strongest of men cower. The way I never knew how you were going to react when you came home from work sent me into panic mode. Were you going to be kind, sweet and gentle like you were as you snowed me into your little game at the beginning? Or was it going to be like most nights these days, ending with you complaining about everything, and somehow finding a way to blame me for each and every one of those complaints? You would crack open a cold one, and as the alcohol went in, my fear came out. The screaming would begin, and if I did gain the courage to stand up to you, I was quickly "put back in my place," which was how you all too often justified throwing me against a wall, pinning my arms down and making me apologize through my sobs for things that I didn't even do.

None of that fear will ever compare, though, to the fear I felt the day I left. I knew what you were capable of, and the worst case scenario played on repeat in my head. You knew all of my secrets, all of my hopes, all of my dreams, and of course, all of my fears, as you were most of them. Upon leaving you, I don't think it was you that I was most afraid of. I was afraid of being lonely. You had taken my self-confidence and turned it into self-loathing. You had convinced me that without you, I was nothing. I was worthless. I was just a stupid girl, incapable of thinking for herself or making her own decisions.

Boy, were you wrong.

The first few weeks without you were tough. You called me relentlessly, and texted me nonstop. You told me that I had made a mistake, and you threatened me in ways that only you could. I wondered if I had done the right thing. But as time went on, days got easier, and life got brighter. I began to smile a true smile for the first time in months. I started hanging out with my friends again, the ones that you forbid me to see while we were together, because you couldn't stand my attention going to anyone but you. I learned how to laugh again, and finally, how to breathe on my own once again.

You were so close to breaking me. When I was with you, I was at the lowest low anyone could imagine. Had I not found the courage to run when I did, you would have successfully shattered me into a million pieces. And while you didn't break me, you bent me as far as one can bend. There are still days that the smell of beer puts me on edge, and the sound of someone even slightly raising their voice at me can bring me to tears. Some days are easier than others, but all that matters is, every day is better than it was with you.

You (almost) broke me, but in the end, I came out on top. I wish you the best, and I pray that some day, you too will gain the courage to run from yourself as well.