To the Boy I Still Have Feelings For,
It's been two years since I have seen you, and I still think about you all the time. I am beyond elated that we have begun to talk again.
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I will admit, a few months ago when you went to the dance with another girl, I was pretty jealous. It's silly, I know, because I'm 1,370 miles away.
I remember the summer that I moved, when you confessed your feelings for me. I remember for weeks on end I was begging you to tell me who it was you liked. Deep down, I had a gut feeling it was me, but I wanted you to say it; I wanted you to confirm it. When you finally did, I was taken by surprise. I was happy but shocked, but also sad because I knew I was leaving. That's why I quit talking to you. It wasn't because I didn't like you, it was because I was hurting and that was the only way I knew how to cope.
I've always been good at avoiding catching feelings because I would much rather save my heart from the heartache. Then you came around and liking you is completely inevitable. All this time I believe the feelings have been there, and talking to you more and more has only made them show through. I hate to find myself in this position, that I haven't been in, in so long. I'll admit, I am extremely scared and I am trying to fight these feelings. It feels like liking you may even be one of the deadly sins because I know It'll only end up devastating for me.
I'm really nervous, because I know that you will eventually read this. Writing is the only way I know how to convey feelings, so this is as good a way as any.
I know, that you're nothing like the other guys. I believe that one with all of my heart. Knowing your mindset on life make me sure you're a good one. I know you and have faith in you. I'm not worried about you breaking my heart, I'm worried about me breaking my own heart by falling for you.
I avoid my feelings for you because I feel like I will never be enough for you, or you'll never interested. It's so hard not to fall for you, because whenever I look at you I know God made you, and he made a work of art when he made you. Your smile might be the most addictive drug to me. It's all about the way you laugh when you're amused, to seeing the determination you have when you're passionate about something. It's all so beautiful.
Every moment I had ever spent with you, I felt God's wisdom and love through your presence.
I have no idea how you feel towards me.... I mean, some days it feels like you feel what I feel, and some days I can't tell what you're feeling. I just don't want to be the idiot girl who leads herself on, and blames the guys for being kind to her.
I hope that this doesn't ruin things between us, because I value our friendship above all.
Sincerely,
The Girl Who Caught Feelings
