First things first, I am sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you while I was hurting. I'm sorry for bringing you down while I was down. Most importantly, I'm sorry for leaving you to dry, just walking away for another guy and giving you no shot. Mind you the guy I left you for I met through you and was on your football team. To be honest, I doubt you care anymore, I doubt I even cross your mind. I know you have a girlfriend now and she's really beautiful, which is something you deserve greatly. I know you've probably moved on and won't read this, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't say it. I know I've apologized time and time again, but I feel as if nothing has worked, at least not in my eyes. I constantly catch myself thinking of how well you treated me and how awful I was in return.
You never did anything that provoked me to hurt you like I did. Honestly, you were great, better than the guy I left you for. I still remember the day I met you. We were young, really young. I remember being your friend for a long time before we drifted apart. I remember seeing you at a track meet my freshman year of high school and giving you that big hug that started everything off. Trust me, that was one of the best summers I've had. No one has yet to compare to the way you treated me even though we were so young.
Then sophomore year came around. I was catching myself get bored. Bored of your clingy personality that I would soon learn was just there because you cared. But I never said anything, I just let it be. You gave me the time of day that I had been wanting for so long. I would love to say this is where we talked about it and took a break or something. But we didn't. I never bothered. I was 15 and wanted the attention, so I kept you to myself, but you weren't enough. I still remember the football game. It was the first one of the season. I watched you play, tried to be the supporting girl you wanted. You walked off the field and I had a fake smile painted on. Then he followed behind, "Caitlin this is ____. ____ this is Caitlin." I'm so sorry you made the introduction.
I slowly drifted from you to him. Leaving you in the dust. Not caring what we had or anything. I was so ignorant and I'm nothing but sorry for it. I don't regret what we had or being with you, but I regret the way I acted. I hurt you and gave no f***s. I was trying to make myself happy, but nothing was working. I know in the end I had to put myself first, but you had feelings too. Feelings I never considered. I cannot stress enough how bad I've felt, and for so long, but all I can do is apologize and hope for forgiveness.
I ask one thing of you in my pleading for forgiveness. I ask that you promise you'll never let someone walk all over you the way I did.
Sincerely,
The girl who walked away from it all.
