Dear Old Friend,

Remember me?

I used to be the one you texted at midnight and told everything to.

Now I don't even know what you do in your spare time anymore.

A few weeks before college started I knew our friendship was fading. Our texts became less frequent and you said we didn't have to hang out all the time anymore to be friends. Two months into college my fear came true when you decided you didn't want to be friends anymore.

You cut me off knowing that I would put myself through hell trying to find out why.

We had a stupid fight that tore us apart. I don't know what was exactly said, but I still remember you telling me you didn't want to talk to me anymore. I sat in my dorm countless nights asking why? Everyone told me I was better off without you, but 10 months later I still think otherwise.

We used to be inseparable. Whenever we weren't seen together somebody would ask, "Where's ___?" It kills me when somebody says that now because there was once a time in my life that I knew everything about you. Now when we see eachother in public we don't even catch a second glance of eachother.

Your problems were once my problems. Whenever you came to me with a problem, I always took it on as if it were one of my own. I thought of you as family and there is nothing I wouldn't do for family.

I don't want people to think you're the bad guy, because you're everything but that.

You were there for me through everything. I don't think there was one memory with you in it that your turned your back on me. You were the first person who saw me crying in the guidance office at school when I was struggling through my depression and anxiety. I still remember you asking me if I was okay. When I had my car accident, you were the first person to text me to see if I was alive and breathing. At my cousin's funeral, we were walking out the door and you pulled me into a hug because I was crying so hard I could hardly breathe. To this day there hasn't been a friend that has been through so much with me and showed me such compassion as you. Now whenever something bad happens I still wish you would text me to check up on me.

I miss our Dunkin Donut runs and visiting your nana on the way there. I miss people calling us an old married couple because we used to fight constantly. I miss our stupid jokes and laughing over them. I miss working with you. But most importantly I miss going to sleep at night knowing we would be friends for years to come.

Sometimes, the person you would take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun.

You left me in a time when I needed you the most. I was just starting out my college journey and I would've loved your random phone calls throughout the semester making me laugh and making me forget about the stress that seems to have succumbed my life. Now with my mom being sick, I wish I could get a text from you saying, "Are you okay?" or "How's Mom Lori T?"

Sometimes I still wonder why things happened the way they did. I still don’t know what I did wrong for you to block me on all social media and decide we weren’t friends anymore, but if you’re reading this know that I wish you the best in life. What you did to me left a permanent scar on my heart and I’m careful about who I call my best friend now. You showed me that friend breakups can hurt ten times worse than romantic breakups. I know I wasn't in the right place either. I started numerous, pointless fights that I regret now. I know that people come and go in our lives for a reason. I just wish I knew the reason why you left mine.

Maybe 10 years from now we’ll meet again at a coffee shop down the road and start over.

I hope that one day we will talk again, but I know it'll never be the same. I hope you know that you played a big role in the person I am today. I have no hard feelings against you because I look back on our memories and smile because I know that I once had a true friend in you. Some of my favorite memories are of you standing by my side. You’re going to go far in life and one day I hope to see your success whether it be from a newspaper, television, or another person. I just hope that sometimes you look back on our memories and think of me in a good way too.

Love,

The Person Who Never Gave Up On You