When you lose a friend, they make a hole in your heart that is the shape of them, and nobody else will ever be able to fill that hole back up.
Losing a friend may be getting into a fight, it may be slowly and silently drifting apart, it may be losing them to a drunk driver, it may be losing them to suicide. But, no matter the reason, it still happened, and it still hurts. They are still gone.
Yes, I just compared death to drifting apart. I did, but both hurt. One may be permanent and unfixable, one may hurt more than the other, but the pain is still there, right? You are still missing that part of you, right?
Losing a friend means no more staying up till 4 AM at sleepovers when you told your mom you would go to sleep at a reasonable time. It means not having your other half, your rock, your world. It means no more late night talks about everything and everything. It means not having that one person you did everything with. It means no more sneaking out, and praying not to get caught. It means no more doing things you know you shouldn’t do at 3 in the morning, just because you think you are invincible. No more being reckless and doing stupid things together. No more doing anything you used to do.
It means you have to figure out how to get through life without them now. It means that one day, you will do something by yourself and remember how much fun you had doing it with your friend, and it hits you. It means that eventually, you will go somewhere and it will click in your mind, that last time you were there, you were with your friend. It means that at random times you will go back to the days where you were sitting on your couch, eating junk food, and watching movies, but still having the best time.
Losing a friend feels like someone cut you in half, and you need to re-learn everything all over again. It feels like you are a whole new person. It feels like you are standing on the beach, watching the sunset and the waves, calm and peaceful, and then out of nowhere, a massive wave crashes down on top of you, knocking you over, and preventing you from getting back up again. When you finally get back up, everything has changed, like you are in a different universe.
It sucks, I know that. But it does get better. It always gets better. It may take five days, it may take 14 years, but it does get better. The pain will never 100% go away, but it hurts less. One day you will wake up and have good memories instead of missing them. You will learn how to cope with the pain, and you will get better. Some days are easier than others, some days you struggle to get out of bed, but every day is a new day, make the most of it. Make the most of every freaking day, because one day, you won’t be able to anymore. With or without your friend, your life will go on, and you will get better. Trust me.
