Hey Guys,
I’m sorry for the looks people give you when they find out you’re a single parent and they immediately make a split second judgment of you. I think that’s something all single parents face because of traditional beliefs many still hold on what it means to have a family. Not all of us can be so lucky to have the perfect nuclear one, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love our modern one just as much.
But the people who judge you don’t really think of that, do they? They look at you with pity no matter what your situation is – your spouse left, your spouse was unfit to be a parent, your spouse died – they still look at you as if you’re going to break. Or worse, like you’re irresponsible. But I think the look that single dads face more than single moms is that look of disbelief, the one that says they don’t think you can do this on your own. The one that says that because of gender norms, you’re not going to be as good a parent as a woman.
But you’re always proving them wrong, right? You are both a father and a mother every day. And of course, it’s hard. It’s hard for any single parent, even if they have the support of their family and friends rallying to their side whenever they need a babysitter or advice. Because whatever doubts all those strangers had in you, you have in yourself to the nth degree. I may not be a parent, but all the ones I know tell me that they’ve had so many moments where they’ve wondered if they’re doing right by their kids, wondered if they were good enough. I’m sure you have those moments at least a hundred times a day.
It’s hard to find a balance between working to support your family and being there to raise your kids when you’re one person with no one to share the burden. But you do it. You work ridiculous hours whenever you can so that you can take off for your daughter’s soccer game. You cry the first time your son gets really sick and you can’t do anything but give him medicine and rub his back. You try your best to be the best… for them. It’s your job, and unlike the job that brings in the money, this is the one that is the most important to you. So when strangers judge you for it, I think your annoyance is well placed.
And if you’re a single dad with a daughter? Or daughters? The looks are even worse. And not just the ones directed at you, but the ones directed at your girls. There’s that pity again, as if your kids will never be “normal” or “ladylike” because they were raised by a guy. But you rise above it and ignore their stereotypical views, because whether your daughter decides to be a princess or a Nascar driver, she will still be your daughter. She will still be a good person because that’s who you raised her to be. That’s what you taught her was most important – being a decent human being.
And when it comes to sons? The looks may be less prominent, but they’re still there. Whenever your son acts up in public, people whisper that it’s because he needs a mother figure around to discipline him. And you’re seen as the “lax” parent who lets him run wild. Or if he’s quiet and reserved, they say he needs a mother’s love to teach him compassion. And you’re seen as the “mean” parent who doesn’t let him be sensitive. While all you care about is making sure he’s happy and healthy.
People don’t know your story, so please just ignore them. Your kids know that you love them and they’re grateful that they have you. And if they’re in their moody teenager phase and saying they hate you, rest assured that they don’t mean it all. You’re everything to them in the same way they’re everything to you.
So on this mother’s day, on behalf of all your kids, I would like to thank you for being the best parent they could ever ask for. Through all the blood, sweat, tears, and other messes, you have been there to protect them and fix it all. Through all the laughs and misadventures, you have been there with a smile and a joke. Through every indecisive moment you have been there with a listening ear and advice, even if it made you uncomfortable, even if it made you scared.
So thank you for being the best you for all of us.
Sincerely,
The Daughter of a Single Dad
P.S. Thank you to my own dad for raising two teenage daughters and never regretting a single second of it. I know it wasn't easy when it came to boys, shopping and friend drama, but you shouldered it like a champ. I love you.
