Dear Neno,
In April, it will have been 2 years since you passed. But it has been longer than that since I had sat down and actually spoken to you. Alzheimer's disease is such a horrible disease. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy to forget their family, forget how to eat or live. It is one of the saddest things that a person could have in their life. Whether it be them suffering from it or watching a person they love suffer from that disease.
I lost you way before you passed that April day, I know, but at least I could come see you and hold your hand. I didn't care how many times you asked me who I was, I would repeat myself over and over again because that is what you do for a person you love. And I love you so much.
I'm trying my hardest to make it in life. Always thinking of you. What would you say to me? What would you do if you were in the same situation? I know you are watching me from above. And it kills me that you can't fly down and whisper some advice into my ear. Because some days I am lost without my Neno.
You are the mother I needed, and will always need. No offense to my mom. She left me in your care for 11 amazing years and I thank her for that everyday. But you were my mother, the one who tucked me in at night, sang to me, kissed my scrapes and bruises. You were there for me when I came home crying from school because I was bullied. You were the one to get up on my bus and tell off everyone who dared to mock your great grandbaby. You treated me like your child, not your great grandbaby. And I looked at you like my mother.
I love my mom, always will. She was the one who birthed me, but you raised me. You are the one to make me who I am today. And I thank you for that.
I miss you more and more with each passing day. Memories become distant and blurry. I can't recall the last true conversation we had together because it has been so long. But I force myself to remember the chicken and dumplings, your perfume, picking vegetables from your garden and helping you with them. I force these memories never to leave me because I want to remember it all. I want to be able to share those precious memories with my kids when I have them. I want them to know my Neno.
I love you with all my heart,
Your Daughter, KK
Lately a lot of my friends have experienced death in their families. It is sad that death happens all around us. It is life. We know that they are in a better place, not in pain or sad anymore. But we are still living. We have to wake up everyday and realize that one of the few people we turn to talk to is longer here. They are gone. We will see them again, but not for awhile. We have to mourn.
I have debated writing this letter since the beginning of the year. I wanted to be there for all my friends and their loved ones. I know how much it hurts to lose people you love. The memories you shared with that person make losing them the hardest because you know there will not be any new memories made. Even if it isn't someone blood related, it still hurts like hell.
To the friends who lost someone, I can't say it gets better. And I won't. Someone may walk past you and they may very well smell just like your lost loved one. I have been there. I was checking this little old lady out at work and she smelled just like my Neno. And well I froze for a second. I actually breathed it in. I blinked back the tears and told her that she just made my day. You may see someone that looks just like them and you just wanna go hug them. Ask before you do. I don't want you getting hurt over it, but I understand. If the grief or sadness ever overwhelms you, take a step away and breathe. Talk to your lost loved one. Talk to them like they are right beside you. Because trust me, it helps. They may not be able to talk to you back. But getting it off your chest is the best thing for you.
Finally, I want you all to remember I love you and I am always here.
