The teenage years, especially about 13-16, are frankly chaotic for most young people. You're busy figuring out who you are while simultaneously trying to navigate school, relationships, and a complicated social atmosphere. Here are some things I wish I could go back and tell myself during these years, and that I wish every young teen girl could hear.
Be confident about your niche interests.
I once spent an entire day creating a phylogenetic tree, taping together sheets of paper and painstakingly labeling every single domain, kingdom, phylum, and class. I spent a different day listening to every one of Angela Davis's speeches that has been recorded. On another occasion, I swabbed different areas of my house onto petri dishes, because I was curious to see which had the most bacteria growth. Yes, really. I could list every strange endeavor, but the point is that if your hobbies are as odd as mine, there's no shame. Do what you enjoy. People who are true friends will support all your peculiar interests.
You are inherently worthy.Â
I'm tired of a woman's worth being justified by saying, "She's someone's daughter," or anything of the type. While this is true, you are worthy all on your own. You are deserving of respect, autonomy, and unconditional love. Don't forget that!
Your friend group might not last.
Most people are all too familiar with this fact of life. The friends you had in middle school likely aren't your best friends now. Sometimes a friendship will end with an argument of a fundamental difference, and sometimes you will just change and grow apart. Every friend group that I'm no longer a part of helped me realize what I was (or wasn't) looking for in a friend. There are no hard feelings, it's a part of growing up.
Take care of your body and mind.
While you are navigating teenage life, it might be hard to find time to take care of yourself, but this one is non-negotiable. When your mental health suffers, reach out. And most importantly, when you're hungry, eat! You need to eat even when you don't like how your body looks. You can't save the world on an empty stomach.
Dating doesn't have to be a priority in your life at this point.
There's so much pressure for young people to be in a relationship, but I'm here to tell you that it's totally okay to not be. On the other hand, dating as this age can be fun, so go for it if you enjoy it! Go on dates with all kinds of people, and learn what kind of people are best for you. There's no shame in either option.
Don't feel like you need to prove yourself to anyone.
In middle school, I was embarrassed to get below a 95% on my report card. I wasn't satisfied with less than an A+ on any test or assignment. Honestly, I don't know who I doing that for. Although your parents have expectations that you may need to meet at this point in your life, you should do things for yourself as much as possible. If getting good grades makes you feel great, go for it! But you don't need to prove to your peers that you're smart. It's okay to slip up sometimes, and anyone who makes you feel bad about that isn't worth it.
You teach people how they're allowed to treat you.
This goes for romantic partners, friends, and everyone you encounter. You don't need to tolerate anyone treating you poorly. This will only show them that you're okay with being treated this way. Unfortunately, some people will treat you poorly no matter what, so in no way am I placing blame on anyone who ends up in an abusive relationship.
To every girl reading this, remember that you will always have yourself - your worthy, unique, authentic self. When you love yourself, you are unstoppable, and you will be able to go ahead and make your positive impact on the world.
