My brother and I have always been connected in some way or another. We are only 19 months apart, yet we've never exactly been the best friends that you would expect us to be with that age gap. I'll admit that looking back on it now, that was probably my fault. Ask anyone in my family and they will tell you that I dominate almost every conversation at the dinner table while my brother sits in silence only speaking when forced to. It's not that we aren't close because we are and my family is incredibly close-knit. His reserved personality just happens to be the exact opposite of my somewhat domineering one. With that being said, I certainly don't get the phone calls and texts from him that I get from my younger sister now that I'm at college.

Growing up we were incredibly close, we would play in the backyard together, doing weird things like pretending we were colonial pilgrims and picking on my younger sister. As we grew older we both started to enter that awkward teenage stage that made it a little bit more difficult to connect. Neither of us were about to discuss our relationships with the other and the reality was the only real things we had in common were sports and school. When he started his freshman year and I began my junior year of high school I was brutal to him. I screamed his name from down the hallway, joked with him about girls in school and essentially did everything I could to embarrass him.

I thought that it was all in good fun. Then I came to realize that I was two years older than him and if someone had done that to me as a freshman I would have crawled into my locker and never come out again. It was my job to protect him and be the big sister that he needed but our weird relationship that consisted of me doing all the talking was making him feel unheard. I realize now that I was the opposite of the approachable confidant that I should have been for him.

I am a month into college and I'll be honest, I really miss my baby brother. I miss his stupid little grin when I tell a joke that he actually thinks is funny. I miss the way he mumbles his response to everything my mom asks him. I miss the way he eats a steady diet of Oreo's and mashed potatoes. I even miss sharing a bathroom with him, his disgusting habits are child's play compared to those dorm bathrooms.

In all of the time that I spend missing him, I really just want to apologize to him for all of the grief that I gave him in high school. I want him to know that regardless of the fact that I don't live at home right now I will always be there for him day or night. Most importantly, I want him to really enjoy his last few years in high school. Those are years that you will never get back so study hard, give your all on the field, and never let anyone else tell you how to live your life. I am so incredibly proud of the person that you are becoming and I can't wait to see how you will succeed in the next few years. Call me sometime. ;)

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