The holiday season is my favorite time of year, but a lot about it has changed over the years. While it is still my favorite time of year, it is just not the same as they used to be when I was little. Now, I know that the holidays change for everyone as they get older, but for me and for the people who have experienced the same thing I have, it’s different.

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things to go through; it is even harder to deal with around the holidays, no matter how long it had been since they passed. Seeing those empty seats at the table and around the Christmas tree never gets easier. They are just another reminder that your family is not as whole as it once was, and the reality of them being gone hits you all over again.

Every year is just another holiday spent without you. Another Christmas that we’ve had to stare at your empty spot on the couch where you would be. Another Christmas where we’ve had to wrap up the leftovers of your favorite dish because you’re not here to eat it. Another Christmas where we’ve had to skip over your turn of opening a present because you’re not here to open it. I know that you come down and celebrate with us in spirit, so don’t worry; there will always be an empty spot for you.

The holidays are not just hard after losing a family member. If you have lost a friend like I have, they are just as hard. Even though I never got the chance to spend the holidays with you, my heart still aches for you a little extra around the holidays. It is just another Christmas where I don’t get to send you a text wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas; it is also another Christmas where we don’t get to text each other later in the day telling each other what we got. You were so young, had so much life ahead of you; it is not fair that you’re not here to see another holiday and I will never understand why. Given how heartbroken I am, my heart bleeds for your family.

Even though the holidays are not the same without you here, I take comfort in believing that you are still here celebrating with us, just in a different way. Merry Christmas in heaven, my angels.