Dear Best Friend,

I am sorry. Recently, I have not been here for you, and I am ashamed of that. I am sorry because recently I have made some decisions that have not been the most consistent. You expect me to be an adult and I get that, but sometimes I want to act like a child. I want to be the person who can blame all of my problems on the world. Most people allow me to do this but you do not. You uphold me to a standards that sometimes I think are unattainable. You uphold me to these standards even when I feel like I want to give up. Recently, we have been arguing more lately, and this arguing has caused some unnecessary tension between both of us. With both of our busy schedules, we barely have time to discuss things including things that have happened recently. Again, I want to tell you that I am genuinely sorry for the way my behavior has been recently.

You expect me to uphold a certain amount of moral and values and I honestly get that, but I need to say one thing. You recently told me that you felt you were the cause of all of my problems. I am here to clarify that you are not the cause of my problems but more yet, the solution. In April, I felt more lost and confused with my life than I have in any other part of my life. You literally came into my life at my time where I was trying to find myself. When I say find myself, I mean doing the most radical things such as jumping off bridges, pushing my family away and also contemplating who I was as a person. You pushed me to be stronger in my faith, and I have never had that happen before. You pushed me to focus on my relationship with Christ instead of moving from girl to girl and instead find happiness within myself.

I have found happiness in myself now. I know you are upset because I expect you to be there for me 24/7, and I learned that I can not expect you to do that anymore. You have your own life to live, and I have mine. I have made the decision to put myself first. Putting myself first is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Other people's problems and drama has consumed my life for the past year and half. I cannot expect a change in my life unless I am the one to initiate it. Last week's service at my church showed me that I am the only one in charge of my decisions. Sometimes we do not make the best decisions, and when we do not make these best decisions, we are on Team Stupid. I have been on this team for the longest time, and I am changing that.

Again, I just want to say I am sorry. Recently I have not been the best friend that you need or deserve. You deserve a friend that is going to be open and honest with you. When I feel like I cannot handle everything or I need space from you, I will let you know. I need you to do one thing, from now on do not shut me out. If you need space let me know — do not let me constantly burden you with my problems. You are my best friend no matter how many arguments we get into. Know I am still here no matter what. Again, I am really sorry for the pain I have put you through recently.

Sincerely,

Your Best Friend