An Open Letter To My First Love | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

An Open Letter To My First Love

"I Loved You Like Nobody Else. Why Did You Leave?"

1352
An Open Letter To My First Love
Leah Flanigan

Everybody describes their first love as the boy/girl they met in middle school, high school, and perchance even college. For the longest time, I assumed and was under the influence of social ideals that your first love is hypothetically supposed to be the first guy/girl you fell in love with.

Lately, I grasped onto the fact that isn't the case. Your initial love is the first person you fell in love with. You don't have to date this person or be irrevocably infatuated with them. You merely need to just love them with your whole heart. In my case, mine was my best friend.

I know some people have numerous best friends throughout their lifetime, but you always have that one best friend. You can tell them whatever without hesitation at all, they might as well move in with you since they're at your house so much, that kind of best friend. This is an open letter to that person.

To My Original First Love,

We overlapped paths at an early age and we didn't know it from the start, but we would turn out to be the best of friends. You were my go to, my shoulder to cry on, the person I could vent to, and more. We did the whole shit and shebang together. You basically lived with me at my house, but I didn't mind it.

At that age, I had no idea what love really was. The only kind of love I had ever known was for my family. It wasn't until recently in my life I realized that the boy I spent maybe 3-4 years with isn't my first love. You were.

My time was mostly prioritized by spending time with you. Going to the movies, the mall, the skating rink, the bowling alley, etc. My world revolved around you. Even when I had a boyfriend, or you had one and our time together dwindled, you were still my best friend and I still went to you for literally everything.

Do you remember our tradition we established back when we first became friends? I do. When we first became friends, your first time at my house was Christmas Day. After that, it was our mission to make Christmas Day an annual day that you must come to my house and spend the night for. It was our thing.

Even though I had undeniably no idea what love was as a child, looking back now, that's precisely what I felt for you; love. I loved you like nobody else. I could tell you everything that was troubling me without hesitation or fear of being judged whatsoever. You helped me with issues I faced, and I did the same for you. You made me beyond happy and I went out of my way to make sure you knew your worth to me...

However, this letter doesn't end with the happy ending that is/was anticipated...

Maybe all of that wasn't enough to make you stay. Did I need to do more? Or less? What did I do wrong?

I know you're gone and I should not even hesitate to look back into the past, but my mind is full of questions that continuously go unanswered. Why did you leave? What did I do that was so awful that you couldn't just bare the sight of me any longer?

If two people are truly best friends, distance does not mean anything. That's just a number.

I loved you, but did you love me? I went out of my way for you and expected nothing in return. I defended your honor whenever peoples' mouths opened to speak ill of you. If you needed something, I was there. If you wanted to talk, I was there. If you needed a place to stay, I was there. I was there from the start of our friendship and I stayed until the end.

You hurt me worse than what a boy or any other friend could ever do. We were friends for years, but all it took was several hours to destroy every bit of it.

Even though our friendship ended long ago, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I wonder what you're doing now, how your life's going, and what your new friends are like. What are your plans for life? Have they changed or are they still the same as ever? Do you have a boyfriend? If not do you like anyone? What's their name? What is your new school like? How are your classes and are they easy or hard?

What is your life like now that I'm no longer apart of it?

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you.

Every time you cross my mind, I have to push the thought away from my conscience. It's not that I don't care about you because I do. I truly do. It's just that you didn't want me anymore and like a mother who doesn't want her child any longer, you gave me up to someone else.

You left me all alone with nowhere to go. I was your new toy you got from Christmas but once you wore me down and shredded away my new toy looks and feel, you threw me out. I was your favorite toy that you didn't want anymore. I became a puppy who had been rejected by the only owner he ever loved and I was devastated and didn't know what to do and where to turn next.

You were my first love and gave me my first broken heart, but as all first loves go, they teach you a lesson.

You taught me that even though people seem genuine on the outside, that doesn't always mean they have good intentions. You taught me that no matter how good you are to people, they will still be bad towards you. You taught me that even though you can give someone the world, they will still take you for granted.

Do you know how hard it is? Knowing we aren't best friends anymore? Did it hurt you as bad as it did me when you left, or did you feel nothing at all? Do you know how hard it is trying to replace you with someone else and getting scared they're going to turn out just like you? To leave and not feel one ounce of guilt?

How could you do that to me? How could you leave me? Did you believe all the lies your friends told you? Did you leave because you never liked me to begin with? Did you leave because I couldn't give you more than what I did? Did you leave because I hurt your reputation? My question stands broadly as ever and in the shadows: Why? Why did you do it....

We had a lot of great times together and I will forever treasure the time I was able to spend with you.

I would be there to aid you as quickly as possible if all you did was snap your fingers. If you clapped your hands for me, I would be there. If you told me to jump, I would ask "how high?" I did do all of those things at one point in time.

Not anymore though.

I tried to claim you back as my friend and I attempted to text you every day, but how can you keep a conversation with someone when they give you one-word answers and don't open your message until days later? The answer is you can't.

When you left, you took all the love I had for you as well as the love you had for me. When you left, you said goodbye for good. At that moment, you were never going to come back no matter what I said or even tried to do. In turn, because of you, I can't be best friends with anyone or even friends with anybody without worrying if I'm just being the fool again. I can't be happy and have friends anymore.

If I did have true friends after you, I've pushed every single one of them away in fear of being hurt in a constant cycle. There was only you, and there will never be another like you and because of you, I can never have a normal friendship with anybody for a long time.

My guard has been on high alert since you broke my heart. I have never been able to love another like I did you. You were the first of your kind and you certainly were the last also.

Maybe you were a lesson, maybe you weren't. I'll have to find out on my own. We chose different paths in life and when you chose yours, you didn't want me to walk beside you this time. But perhaps we will cross paths again someday when I'm better for you and you're better for me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

4395
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

450626
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

22299
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

45202
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments