As people begin to identify themselves as homosexual, they must deal with societal beliefs that this sexual preference is shameful, sinful, or pathological. From fear, often but not always justified, that revelation of homosexuality will lead to ostracism, many homosexuals keep their sexual preference secret from friends and family. Keeping such a secret is often called living in the closet; to proclaim one’s homosexuality is to come out of the closet. In the cultural mainstream generally, history, religion, educational institutions, and cultural values and mores, all maintain that people are naturally heterosexual and that homosexuality is a failing.
As a result, homosexual women and men have powerful reasons not to acknowledge their sexual preferences. As the individual gay or lesbian begins to accept his or her identity, however, the coming out process becomes more compelling. In this sense, the metaphor of “coming out” is quite accurate, since coming out is a process of taking what is within (unspoken sexual identity) and bringing it out to the attention of others.
Coming out can be difficult and dangerous, so many people live in the closet, acting as if they are attracted to members of the opposite sex. The distressing feelings of alienation that result from trying to be someone that one is not can motivate one to come out.
There is no easy way for me to say this, I’m gay. I’ve heard people say, that sometimes hearing news like this is like having a family member die. This is the feeling that I had when I was trying to accept myself. I did not want to bury the hopes and dreams I had for the future. I always wanted to marry a handsome man, start a family, and live long happy lives together. The hardest part for me, was accepting that these things couldn’t be a reality for me, at least not in the sense that everyone expected.
I hope that you can understand that this isn’t a phase, and that this isn’t something that can change. I am coming to you now after years of questioning. I can say that I am gay now, but for years I couldn’t even admit this conclusion to myself. I always thought that the feelings would eventually go away. I thought that after I met the right guy I could be normal. I begged God to take away this curse, and asked him why he was doing this to me. The fact is that this is who I am. Denying this for so long led me to be very depressed. But I eventually realized that this is just the way I was born. There is nothing I can do about it, and accepting it has made me more comfortable with myself.
Lastly, I want you to understand that I am no different, now that you know this about me. I am the same daughter you have loved and raised, you just know a little more about me.
If I haven’t made it clear, I love you with all of my heart. I am scared to disappoint you, but this is just who I am. It has taken a long time for me to accept myself, and I am willing to give you as much time as you need to be comfortable with it.
