OK, it was pretty fun. Eventually. For a while.

So, it’s been about a year since we broke up, and I don’t know why I feel so inclined to write this after a whole year. Maybe because we never really got proper closure considering the last time I saw you in person we were together.

I think back on our relationship and wonder how we ever got together. Yeah, in high school we both played sports and had a good sense of humor, but there were red flags. The biggest one was when you told me at the beginning of our relationship that there was no way you could have a relationship with someone from four states away, knowing I was seriously considering going to school out of state. I will never forget when you said that, and I think to this day how different my life would have been if I wouldn't have ignored the red flags.

Let’s face it; our relationship was never easy. I was the oldest child living in my household. I was the first kid to bring a serious, long-term relationship into our family, so I was basically the test dummy on how my parents were going to handle every boy situation that came their way. Most of our relationship was also spent away from each other. You were in college while I was still in high school our first year together, and I went out of state for college during our second year together. It was never easy for us to be a couple, and yet we made it last as long as we did.

You know, I finally stopped creepin’ on your social media. I’ll be the first to admit that I am a grade-A social media stalker. (In 10 minutes or less I’ll be able to find out your parents' blood type and how many stitches your brother got on his knee when he was 8.) You should know this, though, since I accidentally followed you a few times. It’s kind of a big deal that I stopped, though, because it means I don’t think about you as often as I used to, and I’m not really wondering what you’re up to anymore. You don’t consume me anymore.

It’s weird, though, because I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. There are still songs that make me think of you, and there are people I meet that have qualities exactly like yours. Even a year after our breakup, I still occasionally get the urge to text you and see how you are doing, or tell you something exciting that happened, or want to talk when I’m angry and need someone to vent to. It’s weird how you can go from talking to someone every single day to never hearing from them ever again. The person you knew and loved and planned a future with is now a complete stranger.

You might not believe me, but you’ll always hold a special place in my heart. You were my first love, and my first everything. You might think that my feelings just went away and I moved on, but that can’t be further from the truth. It was hard to let go of all the time we had dedicated to each other.

I don’t want to pretend I know what you went through after we broke up, but I know I hurt you. Bad. I also know that the way we left things off wasn’t too pretty either. It was bizarre actually, and even now I still don’t know if you hate me as much as I think you do. There’s so much left unsaid and there’s so much we didn’t say to each other. I’m sure if we got the chance to talk right now we would both have so many questions.

Our relationship was a big eye-opener to me. I loved you beyond measure, I cherished all the time we spent together, and I meant every word I said along the way, but I think the lust goes away as you get into a long-term relationship and you realize what you want and need from a long-term partner… like a forever partner. Some people realize that the person they’re with is the one they want to be with for the rest of their lives. Others, like me, realize that they need to keep searching.

Even though I wonder about those red flags, if I could turn back time I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t regret being with you. After all, how can you regret something that once made you so incredibly happy? God has a way of clearing the perfect path for us to follow, and He led me to you, and being with you helped me because who I am today.

I feel that each person you have a relationship with teaches you something. Maybe it teaches you that you need to be treated better, maybe it teaches you that you need to be a different person, or maybe it teaches you that you are way too emotional and need to just chill out a little. Whatever it is, I would say it’s a success if you learned at least one thing from a relationship.

I’ve definitely learned a lot while I was with you. Not only from what I’ve done, but from what you’ve done as well. Every moment is an opportunity to grow and learn.

I’ve learned that I love being loved (but who doesn’t?).
I’ve learned that relationships just don’t happen. They require effort and a desire to be with the other person.
I’ve learned that you should never stop doing the little things.
I’ve learned to be more mature in a relationship (not completely mature, though, that’s boring).
I’ve learned that a partner should encourage and support, not get jealous or keep the other person from doing what they want (which falls under the maturity point above).
I’ve learned that you should always pick your battles carefully. Not every disagreement has to turn into a full-fledged debate/argument.
I’ve learned that family always comes first, and you never abandon the people that were there from day one.
I’ve learned that I needed to get away to find out more about myself and go beyond my boundaries. I needed to get out of my comfort zone.

So, thank you for the lessons learned.
Thank you for a good first relationship.
Thank you for not only giving me the things a person needs in a relationship, like loyalty and laughter, but helping me realize what things I need that you weren’t giving me.
Thank you for letting me go so I could find myself and do what I needed to do to grow.

I’d say I hope you’re doing well, but I know you are. I know you’re out there bettering yourself day by day, living a little more recklessly, and loving a whole lot more than I could ever love you.