Dear Credit Card,
I'm just so sorry. I'm very remorseful. Please forgive me.
A few months ago, I was thinking to myself, "Hmmm. I should get a credit card. You know, build up my credit. That's an adult thing to do." A few months later, I'm thinking to myself, "Hmmm. I'm eating ramen noodles, my plant died for the fifth time this week, I haven't left my bed in recent hours, and my credit card bill is astronomical. I regret everything."
I swipe you like there's money on the other end, and there just simply isn't. I remember learning about the Great Depression in high school and thinking, "Why did these people put their washing machine, radio, car, etcetera on their credit cards when they didn't have the money to pay the costs off?" Now, I am those people. I am the person who would have their washing machine taken away from them.
I'm sorry I spent money as if the internship I did this summer was paid. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate being paid in "experience" and "irreplaceable knowledge," but Capital One doesn't accept that as payment. You see my problem.
I'm sorry that I didn't know what interest really was. I'm sorry that in high school I learned how to prove that a square was a square (for the love of god, were we kidding with that?) rather than learning how to do my taxes, balance my checkbook, or how to properly adult in any way.
I'm sorry that I charged some plants on you when I thought to have a plant or two would make me "more adult." I'm sorry that those same plants died and that was a pointless purchase.
I'm sorry that I went out on St. Patrick's Day and bought the entire bar shots of Jameson. I'm not even Irish. I'm just overly generous--can I write that off on my taxes?
I'm sorry I eat out like a true New Yorker. Truly. I'm sorry I act like I don't have a full-sized kitchen in Astoria and a grocery store down the street. I want to lie and say I do it to support local business, but really it's because I'm a total foodie and pretty lazy.
I'm sorry I take Uber everywhere when I go out. You have to understand that heels and whiskey don't feel good. I also live in Astoria, so the NQ after midnight isn't a fun time and must be avoided at all costs--like $35.61.
I am really working on it. I try to have cash on me more and spend less, but it's just hard sometimes. New York City is expensive and my self-control is lacking. I've contemplated making a GoFundMe, but I have a feeling no one is going to donate to my credit card debt (if you know anyone, though, do let me know).
Forever trying and failing,
Me.
