To my body,
First things first. I'm sorry I don't treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. I'm sorry that I constantly nitpick every little thing about you even when I know I shouldn't. I'm sorry that I choose to criticize you instead of appreciate you. I'm sorry that I haven't quite learned to love you unconditionally yet.
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I know that you hate it when I stand in front of the mirror and analyze all the parts of you that I wish I could change. I know people would get mad if they knew how awful I was to you because in their minds, I'm skinny and nothing could possibly be wrong with that. But what they don't know is that maybe I really hate how big my thighs look and that I haven't been able to pull my jeans over them since last summer. Or maybe they don't realize that my arms are weak and can hardly lift a thing. They just see someone smaller than them, so I have to keep my mouth shut.
I'm sorry I haven't been giving you the exercise you so desperately need. Maybe I wouldn't complain about how you look if I just went to gym a little bit more. Maybe I should have gotten a smaller sandwich. Maybe I'll only eat two meals today even though we both know breakfast is my favorite. I'll just drink a nutritional drink instead, even though I feel so much better when I have something more.
I'm sorry I constantly gripe about my face and my hair. You know how much I hate those dark under-eye circles because everyone assumes I'm sick or didn't sleep at all the night before. What they don't know is that I got a full nine hours of sleep and feel amazing, but I just didn't want to put on makeup today. They think something is wrong, but it's just my face. We both know I'll eventually put on makeup to try and conceal that stupid imperfection. I'm sorry I threw my hair up in a bun. Because now we both know I'll complain about how awful I look all day.
Why do I do this to us?
Why do I ignore the fact that my legs are strong and can take me anywhere I want to go? Why do I ignore the fact that I do have jeans that fit over my thighs and make me feel confident and comfortable at the same time? Why do I ignore the fact that my arms can't lift much, but they know how to give the best hugs?
Why do I think it's terrible to fill myself up until I'm full? No one likes being hungry, so why do I sometimes deprive myself of fulfilling that need? Is it because everyone else is eating less? Why do I forget that I absolutely love cereal and eggs and bacon? Seriously, why don't I feed myself the breakfast I want?
Why am I not completely confident without makeup? Why do I let people's ignorant and rude comments get under my skin so much that I end up covering up my naturally clear skin that I'm so blessed to have? Why don't I embrace that messy bun that keeps my hair out of my eyes? Why am I not happy with this body that does so much good for me every day? Why do I forget that I'm beautiful because God made me that way?
Why do I treat you so terribly when you are the shell I will live in until I leave this life? I should love and nourish you because you are protecting the most important parts of me. You allow me to laugh and eat cake and enjoy back scratches and hear music. You allow me to enjoy life in so many different ways, yet I take you for granted.
I'm sorry that I've acted like you aren't good enough. I'm sorry that I've looked at some of your best features and called them my biggest flaws. Please forgive me, because from this day forward, I want to look at you in the mirror and see someone who's tough. Someone who loves the skin she's in and knows she can be stronger than she already is. Someone who doesn't criticize herself, but lifts herself up and knows her worth.
To my body, you are the only one I will ever have.
Love,
Me
