"Nothing makes you think about your life more than the loss of another." -Unknown

Hey Best Friend,

This letter is more for me than it is for you. I know that you are watching me and already know everything I have to share with you. But I also know that you are ready to listen with welcoming arms.

Last Monday (April 18th) marked exactly one year since you had left this place. And the craziest thing happened to me that day... I was at peace. And the reason that is so crazy to me, is because it made me realize how much has changed in a year. How much you had influenced me as my angel in heaven.

There's so much I could write to you, so much I could tell you, so many times I could say, "I miss you," but instead, I'd like to tell you how you have changed me, how you have blessed me. Losing you was so hard. I still have to convince myself the reality of it all. Sometimes I still have breakdowns about it, and sometimes I am at peace about it. Every time I see your parents I cry. Every time I see a picture of you I stare at it for long periods of time, every time a holiday comes around I think about you, and how hard it must be for your parents to celebrate without you. It sounds so cliche, but there is not a single day that goes by that you don't cross my mind. And as awful as the pain was to lose you, the goodbye I missed out on has changed my life forever, for the better.

Losing someone your age is hard to grasp. Not that losing anyone is good, but when you lose someone your age, someone you grew up with, it is a huge wakeup call. Losing you at just 20 years old, after spending my whole life with you, taught me something so important; it taught me that my tomorrow is not guaranteed. This is something I already knew. But it was never real to me until I realized that your death was so random, so unexpected, and completely out of your control. That could have been me. Sounds selfish, right? But that's something I think people tend to forget down here. Thank you for reminding me that my days are limited.

Now that you taught me that my days are limited, I look at life through a whole new lens. Anytime I feel depressed, or upset, or lost in this world, I just remember that I was blessed with another day. I remember that God didn't have to give me this day. How selfish of me to be so bitter when I was given life. Losing you has truly taught me just how blessed I am. Half the things we worry about in this world don't matter, because we all end up with the same fate, an ending. But all good things come to an end, right?

Another thing you taught me is what love really is. Love is so precious and so important. I already loved so strongly before you left, but after you left, my heart was opened up to a whole new level of gratitude and love. Losing you has made me cling to my loved ones so tightly. I've always had an amazingly close family, but losing you opened my eyes to just how precious that is. Not everyone has that. And without my family I wouldn't have anyone.

Lastly, you taught me how to be strong. Oh, so strong. Probably the hardest thing about losing you was walking up to your casket with my family, and not only trying to be strong for myself, but to be strong for my little sisters. I didn't know how to show them death. I didn't know how to stand up in front of them and stay positive when I myself was beyond broken. How do you show young children that death is inevitable, that death is real. And then turn around and tell them, it will be OK, everything is fine. As hard as that was, I did it. And I would have never dreamed I could, and I wasn't sure what to say at first, but the wisdom came.

The wisdom came because you showed me God again. I always behaved like a Christian and always had God in the back of my mind, and always had an interest in church... but you brought God back into my heart. And for that, I can't thank you enough; you built faith in me again. I was so broken the year you died. Everything before your death seemed to just be dragging me down, and then when you left, I crashed. I'd hit rock bottom, and I crashed somewhere I had never been before. But you have saved me from myself. As selfish as the quote is, "Nothing makes you think about your life like the loss of another"; it is the honest truth. You have made me so wise beyond my years. You have opened my eyes to something some people never understand. It takes someone strong, someone special, someone with an open heart to understand that life has an end. Sometimes I am still weak, but I know you have more to teach me. So much more.

But, on this anniversary of your passing, the one year mark, I knew you were still with me. I went to bed the previous night anxious, expecting to be a mess the next morning when I thought of you. So I woke up. And sure enough, you were the first thing to cross my mind. But...I didn't feel worry. I didn't feel fear. I didn't feel sorrow; I felt peaceful. Boy, was that a magical feeling. As the day continued I was blessed with so many opportunities, rewards for my work ethic, and job offers, but most importantly the feeling of my place in the world. I know you were whispering in God's ear that day. I could feel the peace blessed on me, and I knew. I knew you were there.

For all of this I thank you. However, I am sorry that you had to be a sacrificed, so to speak, to open my eyes. I'm sorry that it was you and not me, and I'm sorry that you had to teach me all of these lessons. Growing up together I would have never guessed our time together would be so short. But now I know God needed you sooner. God knew you were ready. He knew you were so beautiful down on earth, and that you would be an even better angel. I miss you every day, but I know you are proud of me and all your loved ones down here! Rest easy, pretty girl! Keep my seat up there polished and pretty! I can't wait to share a world with Jesus together.

See you when I see you.

Love,

Your Grateful Best Friend

R.I.P. Kaitlyn Cheyenne Franklin