When I was told for the first time in my 13 years on Earth that I would be a big sister, I could not have begun to imagine the blessing in store for me. While brothers are a blessing at any age, any big sister who has baby brothers much younger than her knows that there is nothing else quite like it. When I found out that I would be having a brother, and not long after, another, then not many years after, another, I could not have fathomed the adventure that awaited. I never dreamed that I would meet some of my best friends for life, that I would spend hours on end jumping like a frog around the house after squealing little boys, or that I would discover the Energizer bunny's greatest competition for persistent energy. Almost anyone that knows me has heard me gush about my "bebes" like they are my own and insist that I would fight and die for them. And I would. The light in their eyes when I surprise them with a trip home is worth any drive. The homework I should be working on is worth putting off to hear about their recent progress in Lego Marvel or a description of their latest Transformer. It is a dynamic that I wish everyone could experience and mourn that many will never know and understand. As the quote goes, "There’s no other love like the love for a brother. There’s no other love like the love from a brother."

As I approach 7 years of being a big sister, I've realized that there are some things I want to say- not about my brothers (though I could do that all day), but rather, to them. I know you may never read this, but to my three babies, here are the things I so desperately hope you know:

I love you.

I know it seems like a given, but I need to say it anyway because it is so much more complicated than that. I love you in a way so unlike I love anyone else on this earth, a way unique to only you. Much of the reason I know what God's unconditional love should like today is because of you. I love you enough to correct you, to teach you, to run around the house with you giggling on my back, to listen to your silly stories, to give you baths, and to wipe your stinky hiney. I love you like a friend loves a friend and like a mother loves a child, woven together in a wholly unique fashion that they cannot be separated. I love you enough to fight someone for you and to put my life in front of a bullet for you. I love you enough to defend you and pray fiercely for your protection, from Satan and from the other things that will seek after you. No matter how far apart life takes us or how much distance the passing of time puts between us, I love you as if you were my own and I always will. Never forget it.

I never get tired of your excitement when you see me.

I know that you might be getting to the age soon, if not already, where being affectionate is not what little boys do. I'm sad, but that's okay. I know that little boys don't always want to be smothered with kisses and held in a lap like a baby; I get that. That said, I hope you know that you're never too old to yell "SISSY!" when I walk in the door, to run to my car when I drive up, to lovingly help me bring my bags inside, to "tackle" me to the ground with a hug. I quietly adore your unending string of questions as I try to quickly set my bags down so I can squeeze you. Your enthusiasm when I tell you that I'm staying the night and when you see me still there in the morning swells my heart. These are little moments that I cherish- please, never stop. I know that as time goes on, your excitement over your Sissy will show in different, more subtle ways, and as you grow older, I am learning to accept what that looks like. I just hope you know that you (nor I) will ever be too old to relive the wonder and affection that baby brothers and their big sisters share.

I am so proud of the little boy you are and the young man you will become.

Arguably one of the greatest perks of being a big sister to baby brothers is that the age difference (and possibly the gender difference) allow me to broaden your horizons and teach you so many things, whether it's the lyrics to T-Swift's "Bad Blood" or how to play "the laser game." Maybe the knowledge I impart is not always relevant, educational, or helpful, but it makes me proud when I look at you and see a tiny imprint of me in your words, your mannerisms, or your interests. It makes me even prouder to see the ways that you are growing up and knowing that I had a small part in that, whether it was teaching you something about everyday life or explaining why Jesus wants us to love others. I know all of these things I have taught you won't stick with you and in some cases, that's probably for the best. Maybe I shouldn't have introduced you to the Wet Willy, but for better or worse, I can proudly say that you got that from me. I can also proudly say that there is a part of me in each one of you, good or ill, and that warms my heart. You are all smart, creative, kind, talented boys with all kinds of interests, from Marvel to video games to learning about Jesus. Like a mama, I'm proud to have played a small part in helping you become the sweet little boy are now and the wonderful young man you will one day be.

Never hesitate to come to me. I will always be your advocate.

I love being a sister; it puts me in such a special position in your life. I'm a friend who knows you better than many of your friends ever will, and I'm a mama that helps take care of you but rarely has to discipline you. I get to be the friend that teaches and raises you, but the mom that doesn't have to spank you. I can scold you for doing something that daddy has told you not to, and a few minutes later let you play the iPad even though I had no idea that you aren't allowed. I can be your confidant and your partner in crime- so long as the "crime" is stealing an extra pack of muffins or a Kool-Aid Jammer or something. I am positive there will be things in life that you cannot tell your friends, and some things in life that you won't quite know how to come to parents about, and that's why I'm here. I know that the things happening in your life right now are still so small that Sissy can't help much, but just know that when those things get too big to handle alone, I haven't gone anywhere. Remember that I will always be there for you to be that safe place to land, that in-between that offers another opinion or a different solution. I'm not claiming to be all-wise and to have all the answers, but I'm here for you, and I will do everything in my power to help you figure it out if I can.

I'm sorry for all the times that I wasn't the hero you think I am.

I know that for nearly all intents and purposes, you likely see your big sister through rose-colored glasses. Any disappointment you have ever had with me has likely been quickly forgotten and never remembered. For that, I am thankful. I am so lucky to have little people looking up to me and seeing only the good in me, seeing a version of me that I myself aspire to- this is the magic of seeing yourself through your little brother's eyes. And yet, I know that I am no hero. There are many days where I haven't been at my best and haven't loved you with a full and patient love. I have been short-tempered or impatient with you, or downright avoidant. I am not proud of these moments, but they have happened. In these moments, I wish that I could give you so much more and be so much better for you. I know you may not see these letdowns when you think of me, but I do. I hope you forgive me for them and know that, despite my failings, I have always tried my best to be who you think I am- "the best Sissy in the whole wide world."

You will always be my baby.

Yes, even when you are driving your first car, graduating college, having kids, turning 50, you will still be my baby. I will always love you, always protect you, always defend you, always care for you, always teach you, always make time for you, until the day I die. I know I didn't birth you, but I am still a kind of mother to you; You didn't choose me, but I am still your forever friend. You will never get rid of me, though you may one day wish to. You may never make me so angry or frustrated I will abandon you. I have loved you like you were my own from the first day I held each of you in my arms, and I have only loved you more every time I have held you in my arms since. I cannot even imagine how much I will love you when I hold you in my arms in the future.

From your second 'Mama', your homie, your ride-or-die, your Sissy,

Logan