Dear Anxiety,
My dear old friend, you have been with me for almost all my life, affecting me in ways no one can imagine. No one understands just how much I have to fight through because of you. You have brought me on a roller coaster of ups and downs, but with way too many downs. It is an everyday struggle with you in my head.
No one understands how tired you make me. Everyday I wake up tired, no matter how much I sleep. You make the smallest tasks exhausting, even if it's just socializing. Everyone tells me, "but you spent all day in bed," but sometimes I just cannot recover. You make everyone think I'm just lazy and unmotivated.
You strain relationships with my friends, family and loved ones. The days that I am too tired because of you, I have to cancel plans, even though I don't want to. You make me overthink the smallest things, driving me to insanity. You bring me to tears because I think that one day my friends will just drop me like I'm nothing, even though deep down I know that isn't true, you just make me think it's true. You make me seem selfish, even though all I want to do is help everyone else.
You make me feel like a burden. That everyone around me hates me and that no one wants me. You make it impossible to make new friends and talk to new people. You make me scared I'm just a bother to everyone, and you make me keep my mouth shut.
You make me feel like I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I don't dress well enough. I'm fat. I look dumb. I cannot walk down the hallways without thinking that anybody who looks at me is judging me. Even though deep down I am confident, sometimes you just can't let me be confident. I just want to be myself.
You have brought to me too many moments where my chest tightens up, where I feel like I can't breathe, unstoppable tears, numbness, awful thoughts haunt my brain and my body aches.
One thing I can thank you for is making me realize that it is OK to reach out for help. Through you, I have met my amazing therapist, who has helped me learn that I should not let you affect me the way that you do.
I will use you to my advantage. I will use you to help others like me, to show them that it is OK to speak up and talk about their feelings. I will use you to be more appreciative of what I do have, and I will use you to learn what is not important to me.
Anxiety, I have had enough of you, and I am putting my foot down.
One day, I will get better, and one day, I will overcome you. Slowly, but surely, I will get better, and I will be OK.
And a note to my friends: Please stand by me, reassure me constantly, and most of all, thank you for being there for me thus far.
From,
Me
