Dear Almost Sisters,
I kinda miss you, even though you could argue that I barely know you. I joined your sorority for about a week. But then I made the difficult to decision to withdraw my acceptance and leave. At the time, I was going through a lot of change, and I just don't think I was ready to enter into sisterhood. After all, how could I give meaningful friendships to others when I was still trying to adjust to life being a normal college student? I was stretched too thin.
But that doesn't mean that I didn't want to be a part of your organization. You were welcoming and inclusive and kind. And Fall bid day is still a highlight of my freshman year. I remember opening up my door on Saturday morning and seeing you all chanting and smiling at me. You were excited to make me a new member. And I was excited to feel included in college. I was smiling from ear to ear the whole day, and it was all because of you guys and your love for your newest sisters.
In all honesty, I had never really even considered joining a sorority. None of my family members were ever involved in Greek life, so I wasn't really sure how it worked or what it actually meant to its members. The only representations of sororities I had were from movies and TV shows. But that didn't seem to fit what Greek life was at my school. So I decided to go through formal recruitment in the spring semester to find out for myself. And now I can tell you confidently that I don't regret a second of it. I learned a lot about myself and got to meet some truly amazing people in the process. And recruitment really was fun.
But it was also stressful. I was insecure. Spending hours talking to new people and trying to make the best the impression I could drained me mentally and emotionally. Honestly, your sisterhood was the only place where I felt like myself. We talked about Supernatural and dancing and all the other nerdy fan-girl things that I love. If I were to have a home, you would most certainly be it. That's why I was so happy to see you standing at my door on bid day. But even though I got a bid from a great sorority, I still wasn't confident in myself or in my personality. I think I had a lot of growing left to do before I could even think about forming those friendships. I needed to take things slow and find my place at school, whether that be in a sorority or not. I fell in love with the idea of a sisterhood, but after joining, I wasn't sure that I could be as emotionally invested as I wanted to be.
So, I decided to renounce my new member status and became plain old me again. It made me sad to watch the new members be integrated into fully initiated sisters while I struggled with adjustment issues and generalized anxiety. But in my heart, I knew it wasn't fair to me or to you to join when I wasn't ready. It wouldn't mean the same to me as it did to you. Instead, it might have just been another source of stress. And I didn't want that either.
But just know that I think you are a group of amazing women and I'm so glad that I got the opportunity to be a part of your lives. Thank you for being patient and understanding with me. Thank you for...just being you. I appreciate it all so much. I've grown a lot since then and am doing so so much better. Campus is my second home now and I'm truly happy with my life here. I've found a home. I'm also happy that we stop and say hi when we see each other on campus. It means the world to know that we can still fit somewhere in each other's lives, even if that's not as sisters.
I wish you guys all the best.
Sincerely,
The girl who almost sorta kinda joined your sorority
