Dear Dad,

Writing this letter puts a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. I'm honestly not sure how to formulate my thoughts towards you at this point because I'm not sure where to begin. I wish I didn't have anything to say at all.

I can't remember a night where you didn't have a drink in your hand. That's probably not good seeing as my memory stems back to when I was three years old. I think the hardest part about growing up surrounded by an alcoholic father was the realization that my family dynamic wasn't normal. In middle school we began talking about drugs and addiction. I found out what alcoholism was and it hit me like a brick wall.

There are so many things that took a toll because of the disease you have. Mum had to work extra hard to drive my brother and I to extracurriculars because, of course, you couldn't drive. I could never really have friends over, except a few choice ones who knew about your condition. We never really took you anywhere, as a family, unless we were okay with being publicly embarrassed.

People tell me that I hide my emotions. This is because I am so accustomed to hiding my feelings from you. Every night you chose a target and most nights it was me. If you triggered a reaction, made someone upset, made someone cry, you would see it as a win.

I'm safe from you now. You can't hurt me while I'm at school, but there are sometimes where I just wonder why. Why did you say those hurtful things to me? My friends say that drunk words are sober thoughts but how could you even think about saying things like that?

I don't think you are a bad person. I think you have made some bad decisions that still have time to be fixed. It's up to you to take the first step. It's not too late to make things right again between us, I'm just seeking clarity.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter