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An Open Letter To Migraines

Every single day is a battle.

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An Open Letter To Migraines
Hayley Ellis

For the last two years, I have suffered from almost daily migraines. They come and go in intensity, but there is always a pressure in my head that I cannot get rid of regardless of what I do. They're called "Post-Traumatic Migraines" that are the result of a concussion that I got two years ago on a "free" ski trip, which ended up not being quite so free.

Every morning I wake up and take 600 milligrams of Gabapentin, which is meant to work on minimizing the number and frequency of migraines every day. It's a prevention medication. I take another 600 milligrams before heading to bed. It does help for the most part, but there is still a pressure in my head that is nearly impossible to explain. It feels as if simply taking a drill to my head would relieve all of the pressure and solve all of my problems.

I have rescue medication that I keep with me at all times because I never know when a migraine is going to strike. Many people suggest food triggers or things that I do might trigger it, but I don't notice any commonalities when they come on. I can have a migraine for a week before it goes away, and it came on in the middle of the afternoon on a Monday. Nothing seems to make a logical trigger. I know that reading, driving and staring at screens for extended periods of times can all be triggers but aside from those, a daily migraine doesn't get triggered by those things.

In the morning I feel fine for the most part, but by the afternoon I hit a wall that I cannot break through so another 500 milligrams of Naproxen comes into play to help take some of the pain away so that I can function. There are many mornings that I have to start with Naproxen and take another in the afternoon. On a rare day, I don't have to take it, and I feel like that is an accomplishment. It's sad that an accomplishment for me is to go a day without having to take my prescription Naproxen. If I can even just take a normal dose of 200 or 250 mg that's a good day.

So many people tell me that they are surprised that I am able to function most days. The truth is, I'm struggling. Every single day is a difficult thing to get through. I look forward so much to getting to bed because that is the only place that 90 percent of the time I don't have pain (unless it is a killer migraine). I've been to the ER numerous times to try to get rid of a migraine. I've sat through three-hour infusions of medication to help with the pain and to be honest, it doesn't always work. Sometimes there are days that I can barely open my eyes because of the pain. I miss work because of the pressure that builds up in my head, and many days I go to work and suffer through a day where my brain isn't quite functioning because it is in so much pain.

I go to a Neurologist who is great, and I see a Chiropractor to work on releasing some pressure that builds in my neck when I get migraines but it seems like nothing is working at times. As I write this article there is a great pressure in my head but I'm doing it. As I do my homework there is pressure in my head, but I try to do it. When I'm hanging out with friends there is a pressure in my head so I don't drink as much as I want to. I don't laugh as much as I want to because that will make it worse. I go to bed early because my medications exhaust me, and if I don't get enough sleep the pain is worse. I have become so used to this life of constant pain that I can barely remember what it was like before when my head didn't feel like it was a balloon ready to pop. I long to remember what it was like. I might seem like I am functioning, but I'm functioning in the best way that I know how at the time. I'm functioning, but I'm in incredible pain. Pain that most wouldn't understand how to deal with.

I wish others would be able to understand what it is like when you can barely open your eyes. When you desperately need your rescue medication but don't have a refill because you're only allotted five per month, and they're too expensive to pay out of pocket. Driving to the pharmacy when you can barely open your eyes, knowing that you're a road hazard but desperately needing that relief. When you're sitting in the car getting ready to go to work wishing that it was socially acceptable to wear sunglasses all day.

As I write this, my head is pounding. I feel as though the pressure in my head is about to explode, but I'm sitting at work. I can't let my life be controlled by my migraines, and I'm tired of having to live my life depending on when my head is ready to explode and when it's mellow enough that it's just a mild pressure. I'm tired of missing out on fun things because my head hurts. I'm tired of having migraines if I go to a concert or am anywhere loud for a period of time.

It's a long journey, and I hope that others relate to how I feel each and every day. It's one of the hardest journeys that I've been on to keep going but each and every day I battle this sensation in my head that is nearly impossible to explain to those who haven't experienced it themselves. If you suffer from migraines, I'm with you. If you're lucky enough to have never experienced one, support your friends that do and help them when they're struggling because there are so many times that we beat ourselves up for not being able to be there when we want to be.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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